Those are just three words that come to mind when trying to describe “Yaris,” the X-Box Live Arcade game that was released at the same time Toyota’s new car of the same name was late in 2007.
While the real Yaris has a MSRP of $13,525, the game however on the 360 is a free download on the Live Marketplace. Those jumping for joy about getting a free game, should continue reading, for the sake of their children and their children’s children. After one go around with the game, the shallow gameplay, cataract-inducing graphics and tedious achievements are more than apparent and will force you to shut off your system and look for the nearest alcoholic beverage to consume.
Simply put, while the game offers eight tracks and three cars and seems like it has enough playability to warrant a download, the game is so badly crafted that it should never been released.
As a matter of fact, the game is more of a chore than anything else. Trying to be a cross between a combat-racing game and something along the lines of “Wipeout,” “Yaris” fails miserably at both. The weapon system is flimsy at best and the enemy A.I. is deplorable. Not shockingly, holding down the shoot button and simply racing will score you more points than if you try and aim at your enemies.
Speaking of the enemies, after playing the game for any prolonged period of time, it’s still hard to understand what they actually are. The character models in the game look as if someone dug up their 32X and decided to make their own game. The game’s sense of speed is far from mediocre as well, as racing at 140 miles per hour doesn’t feel all that different from racing at 250. The game’s control is also far from perfect, as avoiding obstacles and trying to keep pace with enemies is no more fun than plucking nose hair.
As far as story goes, there is none, giving you even more of a reason to pass this one up. The game’s online mode is also a disaster with limited gameplay modes and is void of enjoyment as well, especially since it’s impossible to find someone on the Live Arcade to play the game with.
Considering all of these problems, “Yaris” is easily one of the worst games ever released on any system and shouldn’t be downloaded. Hardcore game aficionados will download it for the hell of it, but won’t get any pleasure from playing through it. If they did, they should be checked into a mental institution pronto.
Patrick Hickey Jr.
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