WWE RAW Coverage: Conspiracy Theories

The first segment of last night’s Monday Night RAW felt like an episode of “Scooby Doo.”

With conspiracy theories and evil-doers running rampant, CM Punk, Triple H and John Laurinaitis all had their parts to play. CM Punk was Thelma, claiming he knew who was behind it all, while Triple H was as clueless as a Shaggy-haired stoner.

Laureninaitis is obviously the bad guy here, but he has yet to be unmasked.

The fact that The Miz and R-Truth were “fired” at the end of the show only goes to prove how braindead the WWE Creative team is right now.

It’s obvious that they’re attempting to put Laurinaitis  in the middle of this angle somehow, but it’s all too much. It makes little sense logically and is exhausting to comprehend and follow.

The show then followed up the long promo with short matches and even more promo. Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler spoiled, well more like saved, Hugh Jackman’s spot on the show. Looks like someone in the WWE understands that the fans deserve more than blatant product placement like that. In the end, this all opened the door for Zack Ryder, who continues to prove that if the WWE ever had a real Internet Champion, it would indeed be him.

Mark Henry cut a decent no-nonsense promo last night and took care of both Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. While he may not be everyone’s first choice as a champion, Henry made an impact on RAW. His title reign may end up as highly scrutinized, but he started out on the right foot.

All these events together weren’t enough to make RAW special. The matches were bland and the Punk/HHH Angle needs to be developed further. The way it stands, it’s just not intriguing enough to titillate the audience. With all the “shoots” and “insider” jabber going on before the bell and a lack of decisively good action after, the WWE has their formula all wrong.

You capture their mind outside the ring; you capture their hearts in it.

Now ask yourself, are any of the company’s angles pushing something different on the mic or in the ring?

Until that happens, the only satisfaction real wrestling fans will get from this show are when Punk has a microphone and a few minutes.

Every other time, it’s lather, rinse repeat.

Or watching The Miz completely embarrass himself, rapping with R-Truth.

The marks will continue to watch, freshly coated in audible filler and washed briskly with cold matches.

The real fans can only wait for a brighter future, with better writing and matches that induce sweat from their favorite combatants and not snickers and scoffs from fanboys’ twitters.

Matches:

Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, Sheamus and Justin Gabriel vs. David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, Christian and Wade Barrett:A decent opening match that saw Sheamus essentially steal the show, delivering most of his offense to all four of his opponents. Otunga got it the worst though, as Sheamus hit the diving Cross-Powerbomb for the win.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrision: Simply put, Del Rio destroyed Morrison with the cross-arm bar in less than a minute. This was an old school job in order to establish Del Rio for the Pay Per View. Expect a few more of these.

Sin Cara vs. Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes: This two Sin Cara nonsense is just that. Rather than have a match, a “second” Sin Cara hit the ring [much like what happened on Friday night Smackdown last week] and the two tangoed for a few minutes, with nothing coming out of the altercation.

Kelly Kelly and Eve Torrez vs. Natalya Neidhart and Beth Phoenix:
The Divas of Doom had little clout before this match, but now they have even less. The fact that Torrez pinned Neidhart with a rollup without breaking a sweat proves that the Divas Division is a complete mess.

Zack Ryder w/ Hugh Jackman vs. United States Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler w/ Vikki Guerrero: After Guerrero got sent to the back by the referee, Wolverine punched Ziggler in the face, leaving him wide open for Ryder to hit the Rough Ryder leg lariat for the victory. With a win over the US champ, what’s the next step for Ryder?

CM Punk and John Cena vs. The Miz and R-Truth: The crowd seemed to love this match, but it was ultimately pretty routine. After Cena got beat up for 10 minutes, Punk hit the ring and beat The Miz with the GTS. With plenty of near-falls and hot tags, it did have some exciting moments, but what does this prove? How does it further any storylines? With Punk and Cena in a triangle match at Hell in a Cell with Del Rio, the last thing they should be doing is playing nice with each other.

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About Patrick Hickey Jr. 13820 Articles
Patrick Hickey Jr. is a full-time Assistant Professor of Communication & Performing Arts and Director of the Journalism program at Kingsborough Community College and is the chairman of the City University of New York Journalism Council. He is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of ReviewFix.com. He's also a former News Editor at NBC Local Integrated Media and National Video Games Writer at Examiner.com where his work was mentioned in National Ad campaigns by Disney, Nintendo and EA Sports. Hickey was also the Editor-In-Chief of two College Newspapers before he received his BA in Journalism from Brooklyn College. Hickey's work has been published in The New York Daily News, The New York Times, Complex, The Hockey Writers, Yahoo!, Broadway World, Examiner, NYSportScene Magazine, ProHockeyNews.com, GothamBaseball.com, The Syracuse Post-Standard, Scout.com and the official sites of the Brooklyn Aces and New York Islanders. His first book, The Minds Behind the Games: Interviews With Cult And Classic Video Game Developers was released in April 2018 and is chock full of interviews with legendary developers. His second book in the series, The Minds Behind Adventures Games, was released in December 2019. His third book, The Minds Behind Sports Games, was released in September 2020. His fourth book, The Minds Behind Shooter Games, was released in March 2021. The Minds Behind Sega Genesis Games and The Minds Behind PlayStation Games were released in 2022 and The Minds Behind PlayStation 2 was published in January 2023. Hickey is also a contracted comic book writer, currently penning his original series, "Condrey," as well as "The Job," "Brooklyn Bleeds" "Dem Gulls" and "KROOM" for Legacy Comix, where he serves as founder, owner and Editor-in-Chief. Hickey Jr. is also a voice actor, having starred in the 2018 indie hit and 2019 Switch, PS4 and Xbox One release, The Padre (also serving as English language Story Editor), from Shotgun With Glitters. The sequel, The Padre: One Shell Straight to Hell was released in February 2021- Hickey also served as a Story Editor and Lead Voiceover performer. He has also done narration and trailers for several other titles including The Kaiju Offensive, Relentless Rex and Roniu’s Tale. Hickey is also the lead voiceover performer on Mega Cat Studios’ upcoming title WrestleQuest, responsible for nearly 90 characters in the game, as well as Skybound's Renfield: Bring Your Own Blood, where he voices both Dracula and Renfield, as well as several other characters. He also stars in Ziggurat Interactive’s World Championship Boxing Manager 2, where he performs the VO of nearly every male character in the game. He also worked on the Atari VCS’s BPM Boy.

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