Instant Queue Diaries- Episode 10: Mystery Science Theater 3000: Zombie Nightmare

Zombie_NightmareFor the next 450 words or so, I’m essentially going to be making a commentary about a commentary on an extremely horrible film. Don’t fight it; just enjoy it.

After a night out on the city and a wicked bowl of chili from Soup and a Burger in New York’s Greenwich Village, yours truly was having stomach problems that could reduce a smaller man to tears. As Carl from Adult Swim’s “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” would most likely exclaim, I would be farting blood tonight.

So what is one to do when their corn-hole feels like someone is trying to push out a baseball bat-sized piece of brown pumice soap and someone is listening to Enya in their stomach so loudly that the sounds emanating from it are loud enough to scare away the household cat?

After several attempts to fall asleep to no avail and the loss of brain activity prohibiting myself from playing “Tekken 6,” I went to my Instant Queue and settled on the first thing there, “Mystery Science Theater’s Zombie Nightmare.” Unlike the DVD collections, Netflix has done something cool in the fact that each movie is its own entry in the queue, making it much easier to navigate and find what you need.

Anywho, after one of my favorite theme songs to any show ever [The last part is my favorite, “If you’re wondering how he eats and breathes, and other science facts (la la la), just repeat to yourself,” It’s just a show, I should really just relax for Mystery Science Theater 3000!], the show starts and right off the bat, I’m laughing. It is so irresistibly charming. For a while when I was a kid, I wanted a Tom Servo and Crow of my own, as they are the coolest B-Movie watching robots ever.

Once the show starts, the comments about Tia Carrere instantly wake me up and I’m glued to the screen. However, after a few minutes, I realize how horrible this flick is and the only thing keeping me watching are the comments of Mike Nelson [not the annoying councilman from Brooklyn], Crow and Servo. That in itself makes it a great episode of the show.

The wise-ass comments come at such a fast pace that you’ll never stop smiling throughout this complete abortion of a film. The acting is so bad [Except for Adam West, who is just slightly bad. I mean come on, it’s Batman. In this film, he’s just a chain-smoking police captain] that without the trio, you’d probably want to slam your head up against a wall than watch it.

As the group of teenage baddies gets in their car and the crappy ’80s rock [despite the fact that Motorhead provided music for this abomination, you rarely hear their music] Servo screams, “Let’s go to Perkin’s.” Anyone who’s spent time in Staten Island will fall on their ass in laughter as those used to be exactly the types of kids that you’d see in there at midnight on any given night, waiting for their chance to skip out on the bill. There’s also a moment where our resident zombie nut job breaks a dude’s neck and then proceeds to throw him in a hot tub. One of the robots notices that the victim, supposedly, is treading water face down.

Classic.

With all the crap on TV today, it’s a shame that something like this isn’t on anymore.

Over time, the movie introduces an occult element that makes it even harder to digest, [worse than the chili] but thankfully, Nelson and company continue their antics and never fail in their infinite attempts at inducing smiles. If you ever have to sit through a movie like this, make sure you bring your friends so you can do something similar [The time I sat through “Street Kings” a few years back and was making comments as loud as I could instantly comes to mind.], otherwise you’ll be in a Hell much worse than any late-night chili can induce.

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About Patrick Hickey Jr. 14262 Articles
Patrick Hickey Jr. is a full-time Assistant Professor of Communication & Performing Arts and Director of the Journalism program at Kingsborough Community College and is the chairman of the City University of New York Journalism Council. He is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of ReviewFix.com. He's also a former News Editor at NBC Local Integrated Media and National Video Games Writer at Examiner.com where his work was mentioned in National Ad campaigns by Disney, Nintendo and EA Sports. Hickey was also the Editor-In-Chief of two College Newspapers before he received his BA in Journalism from Brooklyn College. Hickey's work has been published in The New York Daily News, The New York Times, Complex, The Hockey Writers, Yahoo!, Broadway World, Examiner, NYSportScene Magazine, ProHockeyNews.com, GothamBaseball.com, The Syracuse Post-Standard, Scout.com and the official sites of the Brooklyn Aces and New York Islanders. His first book, The Minds Behind the Games: Interviews With Cult And Classic Video Game Developers was released in April 2018 and is chock full of interviews with legendary developers. His second book in the series, The Minds Behind Adventures Games, was released in December 2019. His third book, The Minds Behind Sports Games, was released in September 2020. His fourth book, The Minds Behind Shooter Games, was released in March 2021. The Minds Behind Sega Genesis Games and The Minds Behind PlayStation Games were released in 2022 and The Minds Behind PlayStation 2 was published in January 2023. Hickey is also a contracted comic book writer, currently penning his original series, "Condrey," as well as "The Job," "Brooklyn Bleeds" "Dem Gulls" and "KROOM" for Legacy Comix, where he serves as founder, owner and Editor-in-Chief. Hickey Jr. is also a voice actor, having starred in the 2018 indie hit and 2019 Switch, PS4 and Xbox One release, The Padre (also serving as English language Story Editor), from Shotgun With Glitters. The sequel, The Padre: One Shell Straight to Hell was released in February 2021- Hickey also served as a Story Editor and Lead Voiceover performer. He has also done narration and trailers for several other titles including The Kaiju Offensive, Relentless Rex and Roniu’s Tale. Hickey is also the lead voiceover performer on Mega Cat Studios’ upcoming title WrestleQuest, responsible for nearly 90 characters in the game, as well as Skybound's Renfield: Bring Your Own Blood, where he voices both Dracula and Renfield, as well as several other characters. He also stars in Ziggurat Interactive’s World Championship Boxing Manager 2, where he performs the VO of nearly every male character in the game. He also worked on the Atari VCS’s BPM Boy.

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