Get a Clue, Guys

Like all clumsy remakes, “Sleuth” is an embarrassment to its genre – a film no mystery addict would ever approve of. It dances around with rigid inaccuracy, like a funeral march set to a waltz.

When Michael Caine described the screenplay for “Sleuth” to Roger Ebert, he said more about its flaws than he realized: “There isn’t a single line in this movie that came from the original script.” What convinced screenwriter Harold Pinter to not only add two outrageous scenes, but to omit an entire act? His unwise approach robs the material of its flair and seduction, surrounding it with drama that’s intriguing but wrong, all wrong.

Caine plays Andrew Wyke, a wealthy writer in a difficult marriage. He ignores his wife and detests her lover, an actor named Milo Tindle (Jude Law). Andrew invites Milo to his country estate and makes him a offer: If Milo can afford to have her, he can keep Andrew’s wife. He tries to talk Milo into illegally pawning the Wyke family jewels, but Milo suspects a trap (which you’ll figure out long before he does). Andrew eventually convinces him, but even he’s prepared for the worst: “The whole thing will be a f–king disaster,” Andrew says, “with catastrophic results all around.” Not one critic in a hundred could’ve been more frank.

I won’t spoil any of the secrets or twists: Not because they’d ruin anything, but because the movie doesn’t take them seriously. Pinter’s screenplay leaves two great actors stranded with dialogue that constantly stops to admire itself, but never builds into anything – the empty silences make them look silly and confused. Pinter sacrifices the plot for a sadistic drama with contemptuous characters. We hate these guys: They’re angry, greedy, pitiless souls. Soon, the narrative thread becomes so thin that even they aren’t sure where the games end and reality begins. (That can work in a thriller, but not this time.)

It’s easy to recommend the original masterpiece instead, which happens to be the most witty, literate and intelligent murder mystery I’ve ever seen. In it, Caine stars as Milo with Laurence Olivier as Andrew. Both were nominated for best actor at the Academy Awards, but neither won. (The Oscar went to Marlon Brando for “The Godfather.”) Instead of splitting their votes, Olivier might’ve been nominated for best actor and Caine for best supporting actor, but that would’ve been unacceptable. See it yourself to find out why.