The Life and Times of a Seinfeldian Marriage

If you’ve ever wondered what marriage counseling is like, well stop wondering, because “You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up” gives us a raw and comical look at just that.

A memoir and love story written by real life married couple Annabelle Gurwitch (Dinner and a Movie on TBS, Fired! the book and documentary) and Jeff Kahn (Emmy Award winning writer for the Ben Stiller Show) gives us a real life he-said, she-said account of their 13-year marriage, warts and all.

As the show begins, you get the feeling that you are right in the middle of a couples’ therapy session as Gurwitch and Khan sit in front of us, airing out their dirty laundry about the ups and downs of their courtship, marriage and the birth and parenting of their son, Ezra.

While sitting in the audience, you are like a therapist, who is invited in to sit and listen, nod and even laugh ever so often at the two of them and all their idiosyncrasies. “We’ve realized that two people can be in the same place, at the same time, and even in the same marriage, but be having completely different experiences,” says Gurwitch.

In a nutshell, they’re married, but they’re just not that into each other.

A recurring complaint by Khan throughout the show is the constant lack of sex, a common problem shared by most married men. Very witty are the Seinfeld-esque phrases he coins for his wife such as the “liebacker,” where he goes on to describe as the act of getting to have sex with his wife, as she just lies there on her back, letting him do all the work. Even funnier are the examples he gives us of “landmines,” which are all the questions his wife asks that he must carefully and correctly answer in order to get the green light to have sex with her.

Interpreted either as extremely amusing or incredibly annoying is a moment in the show where Gurwitch and Khan’s scrutiny of Alanis Morrisette’s song “Ironic.” They point out that if you have 10,000 spoons, finding a knife is probably not your biggest problem and that in fact, it’s not ironic, it’s more of a simile.

The only person to dissect this better could be Larry David.

A more serious moment in the show was the part in which Gurwitch and Khan talked about the birth of their son Ezra who was diagnosed with VACTERL, a rare series of birth defects. Although mostly funny, they manage to touch us with story of the pain and heartache of the realization that their child was not completely normal while still trying to maintain their sense of humor.

During this particular performance, Khan seemed to exhibit a higher level of energy than his wife Gurwitch, who delivered her lines with a little less oomph and enthusiasm.

Although we don’t really learn anything new when it comes to marriage, the show offers us a fresh perspective and a glimpse of a couple who have many of the problems that we do in marriage with the advice that it is better to laugh and poke fun at them to get through it all.

“You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up” may not be hilarious, but it is delightfully funny, and will have you laughing out loud a number of times. Gurwitch and Khan each tell their sides of the story with a lot of sarcasm and sharp wit. If nothing else, you’ll leave the theater feeling more grateful for the marriage you have.

And for those couples who aren’t married, you’ll go home praying that you don’t end up like these two.