WWE RAW Coverage: Rap, Crotch Chops, Straight Edge Blues and Poor Attempts at Funk

Can the real John Cena stand up, please?

Is he the Boy Scout the WWE-faithful is sick of?

Or is he the wise-ass Eminem knock-off millions of fans fell in love with almost a decade ago?

The jury is still out on that one, but at least RAW was entertaining this week.

That enjoyment had little to do with the matches. Aside from a physical opener, the promo was where the show shined. Cena’s rap return, The Rock’s attempt at rock and roll, Shawn Michael’s chat with The Undertaker and Chris Jericho’s exchange with CM Punk made for an intriguing two hours of television.

If that wasn’t enough for you, David Otunga’s law firm advertisement at least provided a few laughs.

Was the show fantastic? Not exactly. The promo and pre-match nonsense ran a bit long and none of the matches were really solid. But with Wrestlemania around the corner, the anticipation continues to build.

Matches:

Dolph Ziggler w/ Vicki Guerrero vs. Sheamus: A rough encounter that saw the two deliver high-impact offense in and out of the ring at a back and forth type of pace. Sheamus won with the Brogue Kick and broke a sweat in the process. Damn good opening match.

United States Heavyweight Champion Santino Marella w/Aksana vs. David Otunga and Mark Henry: A squash match. Marella looked good against Otunga, but Henry quickly delivered the “World’s Strongest Slam” for the win. R-Truth and Kofi Kingston came to rescue Marella after the three-count, but were quickly dispatched by Henry. Laurinaitis also announced that Henry had joined his team for Wrestlemania.

Brodius Clay vs. Jinder Mahal: Headbutt, T-Bone suplex and a splash. That was the match in another waste of time from Clay.

WWE Champion CM Punk vs. The Miz: Miz needed a win here to be a part of the Wrestlemania card. He was in control early on, but Punk made a comeback and went through his entire arsenal of signature holds. Miz battled back and hit his sit-down DDT, but missed a top-rope maneuver of sorts and was soon wrapped up in the Anaconda Vice. He tapped out soon after.

Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger w/Vicki Guerrero: Orton was on the prowl throughout. Swagger took a beating inside and out of the ring. The All-American, American fought back and eventually worked on Orton’s ankle for a bit, but was unable to latch the hold on. After a missed Swagger Bomb, he did apple his signature hold, but in typical Orton fashion, he mounted a surreptitious comeback. Going to the place only he knows, Orton hit his second rope DDT and then the RKO for a decisive win.

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About Patrick Hickey Jr. 14230 Articles
Patrick Hickey Jr. is a full-time Assistant Professor of Communication & Performing Arts and Director of the Journalism program at Kingsborough Community College and is the chairman of the City University of New York Journalism Council. He is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of ReviewFix.com. He's also a former News Editor at NBC Local Integrated Media and National Video Games Writer at Examiner.com where his work was mentioned in National Ad campaigns by Disney, Nintendo and EA Sports. Hickey was also the Editor-In-Chief of two College Newspapers before he received his BA in Journalism from Brooklyn College. Hickey's work has been published in The New York Daily News, The New York Times, Complex, The Hockey Writers, Yahoo!, Broadway World, Examiner, NYSportScene Magazine, ProHockeyNews.com, GothamBaseball.com, The Syracuse Post-Standard, Scout.com and the official sites of the Brooklyn Aces and New York Islanders. His first book, The Minds Behind the Games: Interviews With Cult And Classic Video Game Developers was released in April 2018 and is chock full of interviews with legendary developers. His second book in the series, The Minds Behind Adventures Games, was released in December 2019. His third book, The Minds Behind Sports Games, was released in September 2020. His fourth book, The Minds Behind Shooter Games, was released in March 2021. The Minds Behind Sega Genesis Games and The Minds Behind PlayStation Games were released in 2022 and The Minds Behind PlayStation 2 was published in January 2023. Hickey is also a contracted comic book writer, currently penning his original series, "Condrey," as well as "The Job," "Brooklyn Bleeds" "Dem Gulls" and "KROOM" for Legacy Comix, where he serves as founder, owner and Editor-in-Chief. Hickey Jr. is also a voice actor, having starred in the 2018 indie hit and 2019 Switch, PS4 and Xbox One release, The Padre (also serving as English language Story Editor), from Shotgun With Glitters. The sequel, The Padre: One Shell Straight to Hell was released in February 2021- Hickey also served as a Story Editor and Lead Voiceover performer. He has also done narration and trailers for several other titles including The Kaiju Offensive, Relentless Rex and Roniu’s Tale. Hickey is also the lead voiceover performer on Mega Cat Studios’ upcoming title WrestleQuest, responsible for nearly 90 characters in the game, as well as Skybound's Renfield: Bring Your Own Blood, where he voices both Dracula and Renfield, as well as several other characters. He also stars in Ziggurat Interactive’s World Championship Boxing Manager 2, where he performs the VO of nearly every male character in the game. He also worked on the Atari VCS’s BPM Boy.

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