Isn’t it Time We Left The Shore?

One of the first groups of people to journey to the U.S.A., out of Ellis Island, were the Italians. Coming from a culture with strong family values, Italian people stayed close to one another. Generation after generation, the East Coast accumulated a lot of ’em.

Just a theory, but this could be why the “New York accent” sounds more like a Brooklyn kid from Bensonhurst and as we leave Brooklyn we see signs that read “Fuhgeddaboudit.”

Like every other Italoamericano, I can proudly quote lines from “The Godfather” and “Goodfellas,” fish on Christmas Eve, no meat on Fridays, gravy on Sundays, bread and wine with every meal. My grandparents were hardworking, honest people, and get this, not in the Mafia. There are no fake tans, big hair, velour suits, chest hair showing, gum smacking, wise talking, wait that last one is true, around the dinner table at my house and none of us are obnoxious enough to be an “Italian effing princess.” It’s funny to think how I would of explained “fist-pumping” to Grandpa and Uncle Dominic.

This might surprise some people, an Italian girl who is not only, not orange, but one who knows Canada was not one of the thirteen colonies. The cast of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is appalling. Where I’m from, the term “Guido” is a derogatory word and you would never self proclaim yourself as such and then live up to the stereotype.

The most shocking thing about the “GTL” crew is that half the cast isn’t even Italian. So these schmucks are giving Italians a bad rep and they’re not even Italian? According to Paulie D., “you don’t have to be Italian to be a Guido,” let that one sink in for a moment.

Being a college drop out, puking on people you take home to hook up with, being as orange as a diseased lung and parading around in a thong on national television is not attractive. These are the role models we showcase to the impressionable minds of the future generation? I can’t imagine Snooki would be proud to show her child an episode, “look honey, this is when I stumbled home drunk, then I believe you were conceived.”

“I want my MTV” back. What happened to the good ol’ days of “Daria,” “Beavis & Butthead,” and “TRL”?

At least “The Real World” doesn’t discriminate. These characters MTV portrays now, show us that the “Guido lifestyle” is all about tight clothes, hair gel, and the ever so coveted flawless tan. I’m waiting for the headlines in a few years from now, “Gym, Tan and Laundry, becomes, Fat, Washed Out and Melanoma.”

“’Jersey Shore’ is the worst thing to happen to the East Coast since 9-11,” according to the New Yorker. A little harsh, even for my standards, but I can’t say I disagree. “Jersey Shore” has spawned a whole slew of bad TV.

“Mob Wives,” shows the country the stereotypical image of Italian women in Staten Island and confirms that all Italians are “connected.” Please. Where I come from, even if you are connected, related, work for, live next to, the Mafia, you never, ever, talk about the family business. Whattya’ stupid or sumtin?

At least they moved to a different part of the country for “Mob Wives: Chicago.” Chicago is not pleased.

What’s worse, “Jerseylicious,“ “The Real Housewives of” who cares, or MTV announcing that Snooki and JWOWW are getting their own spin-off? What is so interesting about fake Italians fake acting? Must Francis Ford Coppola make another fiction movie just so Americans can get a Goomba-fix?

Not for nothin’ but, “Brooklyn 11223,” on Oxygen, negatively portrays Brooklynites as a whole. The diversity is one of the many beautiful qualities about the borough. Native New Yorkers already know that, but out-of-towners think our city is filled with fake tans, tits, nails, and real attitudes. Not everyone in NYC is Italian, and not all Italians would be down with broadcasting their (cough, scripted, cough) drama filled lives.

Mammino, a grown man who lives at home, defines nearly 40% of adult males in Italy. And for the first time, media is portraying Italian men more like lingweeny’s than tough guys with “Mama’s Boys of the Bronx,” on TLC. These meatballs are pushing 40 years old, and it’s not that they can’t afford rent, they just don’t want to leave home cooked meals and maid service.

Isn’t America full yet? Can’t we put the Guido phenomenon on the back burner, before we burn the garlic? These so-called “reality” shows just pour spaghetti sauce all over “traditional” NY Italian culture. They’re an insult to Italians, to young people and to viewers in general. “The Situation” America has in it’s hands is awful.