The housewives are still terrorizing Northern California, and they’ve taken their journey from the Russian River Valley to the Lancaster Estate in Napa.
What began as a business trip for Albert Manzo and his sons Albie and Chris Manzo became so much more, umm, fun?
Teresa Giudice, always classy, is taking pictures with her husband Joe. To get him to smile, she says such phrases as, “Do you want to stick your finger up me asshole?†She also lets us in on the secret that if Joe doesn’t get “hanky panky at least once every day he gets very, very cranky.â€
Teresa and her sister-in-law Melissa Gorga discuss Teresa’s latest tabloid venture where she talks about her feelings about everyone and anyone. Apparently, Teresa doesn’t understand that talking to reporters means her words are for everyone to read and no longer personal.
“Since you’re such a media whore, [a sex tape] would be a great way to get your career going,†Melissa offers, instead of talking about others behind their back.
In another camper, Caroline Manzo, her daughter Lauren and Jacqueline Laurita, Teresa’s cousin, ponder why Teresa is such a conniving, terrible person. Caroline repeats for the hundredth time that she’s done with Teresa, but Jacqueline isn’t so sure. She thinks some good is still in her fellow housewife.
“I hope they don’t get us thrown out,†Caroline says of Teresa and Joe when they finally arrive at Lancaster Estate.
While the group is down at the vineyard, they begin such antics as throwing grapes into each other’s mouths, and Teresa tells a story about her and Jacqueline’s Lucy and Ethel moments. Remember that episode where Lucy and Ethel are off on one of their crazy adventures and end up hopping into a vat of grapes and crush them by stepping on them? Yeah, that one.
Absurd moments are natural for this show, but out of nowhere Joe and Albert begin arguing about whether or not they had passed a KFC—yes, as in Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Keeping the trip as business-oriented as possible, the crew heads down to a “cave†to visit the Levendi Winery that Chris, Albert and Albie are trying to learn about for a business venture to market it on the East Coast. And then it goes downhill. When Joe Gorga sees an interesting statue, he compares it to his groin. Then he jumps on it. Well, he tries to jump on it.
Later, Caroline’s children plan a special surprise dinner to celebrate her 50th birthday. That’s so sweet… but Chris Laurita, Jacqueline’s husband, decides to give Caroline a dancing birthday present. After he spills red wine on his shirt, he begins to dance around the table, giving his fellow diners a show.
Could Joe be cheating? Joe steps away to take a phone call during dinner.
“Hang on here she comes. My bitch wife. She’s a c-nt,†Joe says to a person on the phone.
When Teresa comes over to him, he says the person’s a worker who doesn’t speak English. Interestingly enough, Joe was just speaking English to that person. Hmm… After he calls his wife a whore, they possibly have sex in a vineyard.
While getting ready for the next day’s dinner, Kathy, Caroline and Jacqueline are having more girl talk, debating the Theresa issue. Kathy, as Teresa’s cousin, wants to get closer in their relationship. She says she feels left out of the family. She had stepped aside to give Teresa and Melissa the opportunity to mend their relationship. For a small but first step, she takes Jacqueline‘s suggestion to begin by just sitting beside Teresa at dinner.
Caroline, on the other hand, is “done†with Teresa. What will happen? The issue is just scintillating.
Teresa can’t help but be the center of attention. She toasts the trip at dinner that evening. Unfortunately, it came off as a bit offensive. Okay, well, a lot offensive. Teresa includes everyone but Kathy in her toast, and Caroline calls Teresa’s toast “mean†and doesn’t raise her glass.
Next week should be fun. We’ll see the aftermath of the toast.
This article was originally published on AllMediaNY.com
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