As the housewives head to St. Barts, all bets are off.
Ramona, Carole, LuAnne, Sonja and Heather have finally arrived at their St. Barts mansion in the hills of the island that is overlooking the beach. They first pop the champagne and look around the modern-meets-beach designed house.
Of course, they have maids and chefs and servants, so they don’t have to do any heavy lifting while on vacation. That would just be terrible.
Ramona begins the drama by insisting that she and Sonja have the master suites, so they can get ready together and “ya, ya, ya†together. Since the other girls know life is easier to just “give her a popsicle,†they cave to her request.
Carole becomes nostalgic because it’s the first Caribbean island where she went several years ago with her boyfriend of seven years, and this is the same place where they stayed on that vacation.
Carole and Heather decide they will stay in a bungalow below the main house in order to avoid/minimize the drama with Ramona and Sonja.
Unfortunately, during the first few minutes of their vacation Heather runs into a glass door and completely bangs up her nose. It’s bleeding, and the way she acts makes it so funny that you don’t care about her at all.
After they go swimming, they find the most amazing invention on the planet: a vending machine that dispenses wine in the kitchen. This becomes Sonja and Ramona’s favorite feature of the house.
At dinner that night Sonja and Heather have a discussion about Sonja’s husband of 10 years, whom she knew for seven, but somehow they get into a fight about a photo shoot and other insignificant events of the past that no one can even understand. Ramona joins in, but shortly follows suit when LuAnne and Carole leave the table.
Carole’s boyfriend arrives at the tail end of dinner, and Sonja teasingly hits on him. She then jokes about Carole being the sexiest/hottest girl he’s ever seen, putting him through the wringer.
When the girls meet at breakfast, Ramona picks a fight with Carole about her boyfriend being there last night. This was supposed to be a girls’ trip, she points out.
They then head to Tom’s Beach, which is apparently “the hottest beach†on the island, said Sonja.
“It was like introducing my boyfriend to my two drunk aunts,†Carole said, regarding the introduction of her boyfriend to Ramona and Sonja.
They decide each girl will plan one day. When they get down to the beach, a guy buys them shots, and they play in the water.
Sonja then takes them to Le Ti St. Barth that night. She called it the hottest spot on the island.
“My home away from home,†Sonja said.
While at the huge party spot, they meet a Johnny Depp look-a-like. They can’t stop talking about him. As they take more shots, this time tequila, Ramona and Carole start dancing on a mini stage. They then begin to get a bit more randy. The girls actually participate in the burlesque show dressed as slutty pirates.
LuAnne seemed to be ruining the party because she wasn’t dancing; however, she apparently brought home a man at 3 a.m. She broke away from the group, but the other housewives heard her coming home.
The other four housewives later gossip about LuAnne all day regarding the previous night, and that she possibly cheated on Jacque.
Sonja and Heather check in with Aviva on video chat, and she tells them that she’s coming for the weekend. Thus, she’ll be facing her fear of flying.
Sonja finally confronts LuAnne about her gentleman caller, but she says she brought home a group and denies having sex with anyone.
On the phone to her friend Cat, LuAnne admits “Johnny Depp†was the one there was last night having sex with her, and she doesn’t want the girls to know.
The housewives had told everyone at Le Ti the prior night that they were having a party that night, but the only people that showed up were LuAnne’s friend Cat, who brings “Johnny Depp.†Their “huge party†turns into a completely awkward evening.
This article was originally published on AllMediaNY.com
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