Needless to say the reaction to the 2022 men’s Royal Rumble match was less than positive. Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns at WrestleMania felt inevitable for months but Lesnar winning the Rumble to get there felt a bit deflating. The air felt sucked out of the room with Brock winning so I’ve taken it upon myself to breathe some life back into this card via some fantasy booking for the upcoming Elimination Chamber event.
As I write this the only thing we know for sure regarding the Elimination Chamber is that new WWE Champion Bobby Lashley will be defending his title in the titular match. So which 5 men will be trying to topple The Almighty? In my dream scenario his 1st opponent is Edge. We know Edge rarely wrestles on TV so we’re not having a qualifying match for him. He’s announced with the justification that he is the only other male Raw superstar to have won Saturday and he’s the most recent Royal Rumble winner currently on the Raw roster. We’ll fill the other 4 slots out with qualifying matches.
Randy Orton will face off with his former RatedRKO teammate’s foe from the Rumble; The Miz. Orton wins clean after Alpha Academy tries to get involved but is run off by Riddle. Miz is dejected. Over the coming weeks Miz complains about being disrespected. He’s tired of losing to legends when he is one. He’s going to etch his name in history forever by winning the trophy of the ultimate legend, fellow Hollywood star and The Princess Bride’s own; Andre The Giant. Austin Theory will get chewed out by Vince for underwhelming in the Rumble and Vince will demand he qualify for and win the Chamber match. “You’re my pride and joy Austin. You’re like a son to me. I need you to do this, to carry on my legacy, don’t let me down like the other one has. Priest beats him clean after a hard fought match. Kevin Owens and Riddle will then square off in a match and Riddle will win by DQ when The Alpha Academy attack Riddle, sending Owens off the deep end and he goes after Otis & Gable. The Raw main event will be A.J. Styles v. Rey Mysterio in what the announcers call “A dream match” (maybe it’s happened before but I don’t remember it so work with me). This goes 15-20 minutes, we get a lot of near falls and a mutual respect handshake pre and post match. Styles wins. We go on to get a promo/segment next week with him and Edge talking about the Rey/A.J. dream match and how they want to give the fans another one when they meet in the Chamber.
Now the Elimination Chamber is set. Lashley vs. Edge vs. Orton vs. Riddle vs. Priest vs. Styles. Riddle and Priest start. They wrestle and out 3rd is Styles. They continue and 4th comes Lashley. He goes after all 3 men but they fight back. We eventually get a flying forearm from Styles, a Floating Bro from Riddle and The Reckoning from Priest for the 1-2-3 and shocker(!) Bobby Lashley is the first person eliminated from the Chamber. As he gets to his feet and starts to leave MVP hands him a chair. He goes back in and obliterates Priest with it and spears Priest through the pod while refs and officials drag Lashley off of him and to the back. Priest refuses medical attention but is down. Orton is out 5th. RKBro start to work over Styles when Priest finally recovers. RKBro turn their attention to Priest as the clock counts down with Styles and Edge locked in a stare down. 1 pod left. 10…9…8…RKO to Styles. Randy covers him for the 3 and grins at Edge. The 4 remaining men look at each other before the temporary alliance of Rated RKBro all hit big moves on Priest to take him out. RKBro then eliminate Edge. Finally Orton hits an RKO on Riddle. He goes for the cover but 1…2…he stops. He goes to the corner looking conflicted. BAM! PUNT TO RIDDLE! Still no cover. WHAM! A SECOND PUNT TO RIDDLE! 1…2…3. Randy Orton is your new WWE Champion!
Over on SmackDown things are much quicker and more straight forward. Brock tells Roman he’s coming for him. Seth talks about not being pinned or submitted and getting the win. He deserves his rematch so he challenges Roman to a NO DQ match at Elimination Chamber, this time he can bring the Usos, Seth doesn’t care. Seth lights up The Usos with weapons before the bell and then he and Roman have another classic. As Seth looks ready to win Lesnar hits the ring. Heyman runs off. Brock hits Roman with an F5. Then he hits Seth with an F5 and drapes Roman over Seth giving Roman the win. He yells at Roman “You’re mine b*tch!” Seth comes out the following SmackDown furious. Nobody wants to see Roman and Brock again. And he’s tired of being screwed over. He slayed these beasts before but he caught them off guard. He was a coward back then like Brock and Roman are cowards right now. But this is a new Seth. And he’s done stabbing people in the back. He’s going to look both of these men in their face and then rip their eyes out of their sockets since they can’t see his vision anyway. “The Architect” wants to construct the biggest match in WrestleMania history; Seth v. Roman v. Brock. And after this match these 3 can never face off again. He doesn’t want to just close this chapter of their respective careers. He wants to take this book and burn…it…down.
So my course corrected, fantasy booked WrestleMania card features, among other matches;
- Universal Championship: (c) Reigns v. Lesnar v. Rollins
- WWE Championship: (c) Orton v. Riddle
- I.C. Championship, Last Man Standing: (c) Priest v. Lashley
- One on One: Styles v. Edge
- Loser Leaves Town Ladder Match: Austin Theory v. Shane McMahon
- Raw Tag Team Championship: (c) Alpha Academy v. Kevin Owens & A Mystery Partner
- Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal featuring The Miz and a bunch of other superstars.
Now somebody from WWE send me an email and offer me a job. Please and thank you.
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