NXT UK Power Rankings: Seven’s Time is Coming

I’ve decided to be economical with my words this week. APRIL FOOLS! With WrestleMania days away you’re probably going to consume dozens of hours of wrestling this weekend so you may as well start with these rankings! 

Honorable mention: Charlie Dempsey and Roderick Strong. Dempsey and Die Famile clashed with Wolfgang backstage and Dempsey asked why it’s always Gallus that represents British heritage around here? Wolfgang said heritage or not he’s always ready for a fight. Dempsey said he felt the same. Charlie Dempsey not being as widely popular as Hook yet still blows my mind! Give this man more shine! Strong makes it for his exchange with Dragunov before their title match next week. Strong said what separates him and Ilja is that Dragunov has never felt the pain of losing his gold. He ran down all the titles Strong used to have and said “Nothing hurts me more than saying I was” and questioned how Dragunov will recover from being in that spot when he beats him? For a guy who has been the butt of jokes for over a decade now about his subpar mic skills this was maybe the best job I’ve ever heard from Strong. 

5. Wild Boar. Boar has the creepiest combination of face and voice I’ve seen in a modern wrestler. He feels like the real life person the Wyatt Family members were based off of. He doesn’t have the size of a Rowan or Harper but he has that sort of aura. In any other walk of life that would all sound insulting but for pro wrestling it just works. He cut a creepy promo in a dark room where he told “The Puppet Master” Eddie Dennis that he can keep throwing his puppets at him and Boar will keep cutting their strings, 1 by 1 until he gets his hands on Dennis. And Dennis won’t stop seeing him until he does. Cast Wild Boar in a horror movie asap but give me the Eddie Dennis match first! 

4. Sam Gradwell. With Kenny Williams paranoid and literally looking over his shoulder on the way ti the ring “The Thunderstorm” got a measure of revenge on “The Scum of the Earth” by costing Kenny Williams his match against the debuting Tate Mayfairs. After seemingly having Mayfairs beat with the  Williams pulled his head up and decided to continue the beat down. Mayfairs eventually wound up outside of the ring where he ducked under the apron. When Williams went to pull him out Gradwell greeted him. Gradwell then tossed Myafairs in the ring and played blocker outside preventing Williams from getting in the ring and giving the debutant the win via countout. Mayfairs wasn’t nearly as impressive as Danny Jones or Charlie Dempsey in their debuts but he looks like a combination of The Miz and Colin Delaney and has a very MJF-like scarf so I could see him coming back doing some heel work. 

3. Xia Brookside. Last week we heard Brookside say “It’s time” and this week we found out what that meant as Brookside got the win over Amale with some help from a debuting unnamed accomplice. Amale tried to land the Hope Breaker but Brookside rolled through and tried for a Boston Crab. Amale shoved her off and tried to hit The Inspirtaion corner kick but Brookside rolled outside. Amale then hit The Inspirstion on Brookside against the barricade but was grabbed from behind by a fan, snapping her back over the barricade. She then ate a lariat from the unidentified assailant before entering the ring and getting hit with a Broken Wings from Brookside for the win. Brookside getting a heavy is perfect for her character and the new woman with her has a very Zoey Stark look and feel about her to so I’m curious to see what she can do. 

2. Noam Dar. He needs to change his name to Christian because this man is doing God’s work. With tonight’s win he has now defeated every single member of Gallus in Heritage Cup rules matches. This was a fun twist on some of the more traditional Heritage Cup matches NXT UK has put on. In the first round Dar took the flask Samuels usually provides between rounds and splashed Joe Coffey on the outside with it. In round 2 Dar dodged a shot from Mark Coffey and baited him in and caught him with a small package for the first fall. Mark evened things up with a jumping kick to Dar’s head in round 3. Before round 4 Sha told the ref they needed more time and initially refused to leave the ring which let Dsr go around and sneak attack Mark. Dar caught the Champagne Super Kneebar but Mark was saved by the bell. Finally in round 5 Sha got on the apron. Mark shoved him down. The elder Coffey then chased him around the outside before winding up in the ring which distracted Mark and allowed Dar to hit the Nova Roller for the win. I feel like I call for every duo on this brand to split but give me an Oasis like feud between Mark and Joe Coffey please and thank you! It might be the one thing that could salvage these hoodlums for me. 

1. Trent Seven. The most handsome grandma to ever step foot on British soil continued my favorite story arc in wrestling when he beat Ashton Smith to even up the Moustache Mountain v. Smith & Carter singles record at 1 each. Smith had an INSANE show of power when he caught Seven coming off the second rope with a crossbody and didn’t even flinch before seemlessly turning it into a suplex without Seven’s feet ever touching the floor. Seven then impressed with a superplex of his own. At one point Smith went to kick Seven who went between the ropes and got the ref inbetween them so he could then capitalize with a dragon suplex. Seven followed up with an Emerald Flosion for 2. Smith hit a massive lariat for 2. Smith then tried to roll Trent through but Trent walked towards the ropes, dragging Smith before dropping and grabbing the ropes for a 2. Bate looked troubled at the rope hold outside and mouthed “Whoa! What are you doing?!” Smith tried to counter but Seven rolled him up and grabbed a handful of tights for the win. Bate seemed conflicted after the match. Later the teams argued in the back and Scala said they’ll straighten things out in his office next week. Seven told Bate that he cannot lose the titles. Seven’s slow descent into madness and heel-dom is my favorite thing in wrestling right now. I mentioned Oasis earlier, but I want Seven and Bate to eventually get to Bigge & Tupac levels. 

It was a great episode of NXT UK! Watch this and enjoy the upcoming 500 hours of other pro wrestling too!