‘Twas the night before Collision and all through the show; people were wrestling. Even some you don’t know. There were Papas and wives and even a ref. A Cobb, not of corn, but a Cobb that’s named Jeff. Shots with guitars in matches bizarre. And while on Takeshita, Don Callis is banking; me I’m just here for another Power Ranking. So let’s get to it!
Honorable Mention: You! Anyone and everyone who reads these. Whether it’s weekly or this is the only one you’ve checked out I appreciate your click and your time. With Collision adding two more hours of wrestling to the week I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to make the time to even watch Rampage let alone review it. It’ll really depend on how they treat the show and the matches they put it on. So whether or not this is the final time I wanted to thank you for reading and Patrick Hickey Jr. for giving me a platform to rant and rave with my weekly wrestling thoughts and for turning me on to NXT UK which was my favorite weekly watch prior to it being canned.
5. The Hardy Boyz. The Hardys were in the back with Brother Zay and a very unenthused Ethan Page. Matt accepted the challenge from The Gunn Club for Dynamite. Matt mentioned them being in their fourth decade in wrestling. Jeff Hardy said their Daddy scissors, they suck and they’re coming back over the over hill and they’re going to do what their Daddy has been trying to do for years and make them famous.
4. Mark Briscoe, Papa Briscoe & Aubrey Edwards. When I wrote my first Rampage Power Ranking if you had told me this next match would happen one day I’d have been so, so confused but just as excited for what an insane mess it sounded like and that was the six person tag of Jeff Jarrett, Karen Jarrett and Jay Lethal against Mark Briscoe, Papa Briscoe and AEW ref Aubrey Edwards. Right off the bat Aubrey wrestling in a sleeveless ref’s shirt with bedazzled AEW logo and was funny to me. Karen tagged in early on but tagged back out before Aubrey could get her hands on her. Papa and Mark double shoulder blocked Lethal as the crowd chanted for Papa Briscoe. During the picture in picture break Karen got involved and Aubrey chased her from the ring but Satnam Singh got in the way before she could get her hands on her. Papa Briscoe clotheslined and speared the heels which finally gave Aubrey her chance to get her hands on Karen as the crowd went crazy. Karen raked the eyes and tried to crack Aubrey with a guitar but (actual for this match) referee Paul Turner stopped her and Aubrey took the guitar. As Lethal got in Aubrey’s way Singh got on the apron which distracted Turner so Aubrey could smash the guitar over Lethal’s head. A Stroke attempt but Karen was countered and Aubrey locked in a Figure Four for the submission win. This was sloppy and messy and neither Aubrey, Karen Jarrett or Papa Briscoe should quit their day jobs anytime soon. They’re all much closer to being in the Action Bronson class of non-wrestlers than the Bad Bunny one. Yet despite that it was a fun and timeless formula and the crowd was so excited for Aubrey to get her hands on Karen and really that crowd emotion is what matters in wrestling. And since this was on the middle of a Rampage and not on PPV or main eventing a Dynamite it earned it a lot of forgiveness. Do I want this every week? No. But once in a while it made for a fun change over your typical “high work rate” smarky style match.
3. Taya Valkyrie. In a match that I wish had more time Trish Adora took on Taya Valkyrie. I’ve been a big fan of Trish since I first saw her on The Collective weekend shows a few years back and the crowd was in the same boat getting fairly loudly behind her as she peppered Taya with shots. This seemingly confirmed Taya is turning heel which I’ve suspected since she was first shown watching Statlander. And if there were any doubts about it delivering a Curb Stomp to the Pan-Afrikan World Diaspora Wrestling World Championship (I promise you that’s a real belt, I took a picture with her holding it) on the Friday of Juneteenth weekend just really cemented it. She was interviewed later on and she said the crowd loved her and that everyone has had enough of Statlander. She was cut off by Statlander who said it wasn’t her fault Jade issued the open challenge. Taya said she broke Jade down so Statlander could get the win and Kris said if she had a problem with it and wanted her shot she’s issuing an open challenge for next week. Valkyrie v. Statlander feels like a really strong women’s equivalent of a hoss (hoss-ess?) fight and I look forward to it. Hopefully Trish gets used more on TV going forward as well.
2. United Empire. Our night started with United Empire being represented by Will Ospreay, Jeff Cobb and Kyle Fletchcher vs. the Chaso trio of Rocky Romero and The Best Friends. Chaos was on the attack early with Rocky diving through Trent’s legs to the floor as Beretta stood on the middle rope to hold it and the top rope open then Chucky Taylor immediately diving over Trent and Trent hitting a moonsault to the floor all to temporarily take out the New Japan trio. Kyle Fletcher helped United Empire start to take control but he ate a double knee from the former Rappongi Vice duo and Rocky flying off the top with a dropkick to the back of Fletcher who Trent had draped over the ropes. Trent followed up with a running knee but when he went to cover Jeff Cobb flattened him with a deadlift German suplex before tossing Rocky into the corner and pulling Fletcher back to United Empire’s corner for the tag. Two double knees from Rappongi Vice and a body slam from Chuck Taylor finally got Cobb off his feet. Best Friends hit the Half & Half/Sole Food combination to Cobb but as Chaos did a triple hug Cobb lifted both Best Friends up and dropped them simultaneously to the canvas. In a really impressive show of strength and balance Cobb caught Romero coming off the top into a powerbomb position and then without Romero’s feet hitting the mat dropped him down and hit an overhead bell to bell suplex. Ospreay came in with a Helluva kick to Romeo and top rope diving forearm to the back of his neck but when he tried for the Hidden Blade Rocky countered with a backslide pinfall attempt. Chaos (not the faction) ensued between all the participants but Fletcher was able to catch Romero trying to give Ospreay a Sliced Bread #2 and drilled him with a piledriver followed by a Hidden Blade from Ospreay to give United Empire. While in theory this should have been to help expose Ospreay to the U.S. audience prior to his Omega match at Forbidden Door it felt like Cobb had the strongest, most memorable showing here. A fun, solid way to open the night.
1. Konosuke Takeshita. Don Callis and Takeshita were in person with Mark Henry in the back in a change from either pre-main event format we’re used to. Callis said it’s not just Omega who Takeshita is better than but ran down a list of lucha legends Takeshita is better than before calling him in Spanish the God of pro wrestling. He also called him “El Hijo del Don Callis” which made ma chuckle. Mark did get to deliver his line though. Takeshita again came out with no music to boos. Takeshita countered a 21 Plex attempt early and sent Bandido from the ring before vaulting on to him on the floor and giving him a running boot that sent Bandido over the barricade. After getting back in the ring Bandido got the upperhand with a stalling suplex before hitting a second one where he held him for a bit longer despite Takeshita having a very clear size advantage. Bandido hit a hurricanrana off the top to Takeshita on the apron to send him crashing to the floor. Callis had enough and left commentary and walked down to the ring. Bandido rolled Takeshita in but Konosuke caught him with a knee when he tried a jumping attack. After more exchanges Bandido flattened Takeshita on the floor with a moonsault off the corner as a small pocket of the crowd started a “This is awesome” chant. Takeshita was able to catch a running Bandido and hit a Blue Thunder Bomb inside but for just 2. Bandido gorilla press slammed Takeshita and hit a frog splash but only got 2 out of it. Takeshita took Bandido out with a top rope lariat but a lazy cover couldn’t get him the win. Bandido hit a sweet looking twisting Go To Sleep variant I don’t recall seeing before that Exclaibur seemed to call The Diablo and followed up with another 21 Plex attempt but Takeshita landed on his feet to the aew of the crowd. He tried a rolling German but Bandido landed on his feet. He tried for a knee but Bandido avoided it and then a powerbomb but Bandido turned it into a Code Red for 2. Konosuke tried for another Blue Thunder Bomb but Bandido spiked him on his head with a hurricanrana instead for yet aother close call with victory. A jumping knee, forearm to the back of the head and Power Drive Knee finally got Takeshita the win. One of the better Rampage main events in a while.
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