WWE RAW Coverage: Fruit Roll-Ups, Skeletor and Getting’ Punk-ed Out

CM Punk has a decision to make. Ryback or John Cena.

In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves, “What would you do?”

Hell in the Cell will be a blast either way, but the thought of an injured Cena or a green Ryback in the Main Event means Punk will do the heavy lifting.

This was a RAW with a ton of other developments too.

John Cena missed you.

The WWE missed him too.

He apparently asked out RAW General Manager AJ Lee. Believe that.

Punk also slapped the taste out of Vince McMahon’s mouth. Believe that.

McMahon, even in his 60s, proved he’s just as crazy a bastard as ever.

Line of the night. “I believe from my sources…”- Larry King. When did he get those?

Gotta love The Miz. To call out Kofi Kingston on his cheap pop and shoot on Kingston and King was fantastic. The angle between the two should breathe some life into the Intercontinental title.

The promo work of Kane and Daniel Bryan continues to be their biggest selling point. It’s a scary thought- considering they’re fantastic in the ring too.

With the ton of matches and quality promo, this wasn’t a terrible show. The sense of urgency was there was the WWE has to do something to set up this pay per view properly. With all of Punk’s heat, it’s obvious he and Cena will fight at Hell in the Cell, so why not say it already?

Why not cut the nonsense and build this angle, and not watch an elderly CEO get his rear handed to him.

Matches:

Ryback vs. Epico and Primo w/ Rosa Mendez: The former tag Team Champions had their moments, but after a pair of clotheslines and a double Shellshock, that was all she wrote.

Tag Team Tournament: Primetime Players Darren Young and Titus O’Neill vs. Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio: The high flyers were on their game early on with splashes and planchas galore. The Playa’s fought back with some vicious brawling, but a Tornado DDT from Cara and a hot tag to Mysterio kept the faces in the driver’s seat. Young did hit his finisher on Cara, but he wasn’t the legal man. A 619 and splash later from Mysterio and the luchadors advanced to the finals.

World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett: The World Champion continues to sweat in the ring. He works his arse off every night. Although Barrett’s style is very similar and he doesn’t compliment “The Great White” well, Sheamus was strong and didn’t make Barrett look weak. This was a fight. Barrett hit a few moves that show his true potential. Things got hairy on the outside, but Sheamus was tougher. Tensai’s interference ruined the encounter and caused a DQ. Afterward Big Show, who was ringside, had his way with the young champion, but again, Sheamus proved himself.

United States Champion Antonio Cesaro vs. Tyson Kidd: Cesaro was the aggressor throughout with a nice combination of brawling, suplexes and submission holds. Kidd had a flare or two, but Cesaro’s European uppercut and Neutralizer finisher put Kidd away.

Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez and Vikki Guerrero vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Kane and Daniel Bryan: This was originally a high-energy match with four excellent workers, but in the end it dragged on a bit too long. Bryan and Ziggler in the ring especially was something special, but again, there was no storyline binding this together. The constant tags between Kane and Bryan are fun, but are getting old. Kane kicked out of a Zig-Zag. Cool, right? It just didn’t mean anything. Guerrero and Rodriguez arguing for the entirety of the match added some much-needed flavor. Kane won with the Chokeslam.

Tag Team Tournament: Zack Ryder and Santino Marella vs. Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow: Quick match that saw Rhodes hit the Disaster Kick on Marella for the win. This tag team could be something special. After the match, Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre beat up on Ryder and Marella.

WWE Divas Champion Eve Torrez vs. Kaitlyn: A surprisingly decent match, well for a Divas encounter. Kaitlyn has a completely different body frame from every other Divas. Still beautiful, she’s super compact and strong. She showed flashes of that tonight, but the crafty Torrez won with an Ankle submission.

WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Vince McMahon: Wow. These guys were stiff with one another. It was almost like a bar fight. Add in some blood, busted announce tables and a kendo stick battle, this was fun, but it wasn’t flattering for Punk. The fact that “The Best in the World” would have problems with an old man is a joke. Thankfully it ended in a no-contest after Ryback and Cena joined the party and Punk bailed.