Susan-Kate Heaney has 30 friends she knows everything about.
They know everything about her. She can tell them anything. They can tell her anything, too.
They’re all so close they live together with her and her husband, Marc, in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
Heaney’s pals don’t need too much space though. A corner in the room or a small closet will suffice.
They’re mops.
Since she was five, Heaney has spoken to and befriended bushy-haired stick-figured cleaning devices. Her current Off Off Broadway show, “Mop-O-Holic,” chronicles her real-life adventures with her best friends.
The performance opens with the exact moment when her life-long fascination with tangled-haired liquid-absorbing pals began.
“I remember I was at my Aunt Rose’s house. I was a very inquisitive child. I had a huge imagination. I was always asking questions,” said Heaney. “At some point, the adults told me to go out and play. I was so bored. I just wanted to play with someone. I saw a mop leaning up against the house. Right away, I thought she was so pretty and could see that she had a face. We became friends instantly. Since then, I’ve been talking to mops.”
Soon enough, Heaney yearned to go back to Aunt Rose’s house to chat with her friend. After three years, her parents gave in and bought her a mop for Christmas. Since then, she’s gotten one every year.
Unlike many childhood hobbies or habits, this one didn’t go away.
And why would they? Between the hugs, chats about sex and hi-jinx she had as a kid with her friends [recreated with the same mops in the production], Heaney was hooked.
“When I was a teenager, one of my brother’s friends asked him why I was always mopping the deck in the back of the house,” said Heaney. “He said he thought I was a good kid. My brother was embarrassed and said I got in trouble a lot.”
While the topic has always been prevalent in her life, the idea to create a play based on her obsession didn’t come to her right away. Originally, Heaney was developing a play about a woman soon to be married. After meeting with director Deanna Raphael, Heaney quickly changed gears.
“I don’t know how it came up. I don’t like to tell people about it,” said Heaney, an NYU graduate and actress who has performed all over the city. “When she heard about the mops, she said, ‘why aren’t you doing a show about this?’ It was the light bulb moment.”
Together, they have crafted a production that, albeit comedic, is based in 100 percent reality.
And yes, the sex scene in the play involving a mop and a broom is complete non-fiction as well.
“She’s very serious about this; this isn’t a joke to her,” said Raphael. “These are really friends to her. Learning about why she was connected to these mops amazed me; her imagination is very special, incredibly evolved. I’m very proud of this show, I think it’s really good.”
Heaney said the production is difficult to perform sometimes.
“The scene where I leave for college and have to leave the mops behind, everyone laughs,” she said. “The first time I heard the laughs, I said to myself, ‘that’s not funny. This is a heart-breaking scene.’ It makes me feel good at the same time because it is a comedy.”
Away from the stage, Heaney’s life is far from wacky. Married to photographer Marc Kelly for over a year, the two share a cozy first-floor apartment in a private home in Williamsburg. Their dog, Dublin, a friendly, red Boston Terrier, greets guests at the door and loves to be pet. The house looks like any young couple’s would, with a nice variety of books on the shelf and a comfy couch in the living room.
Aside from the mops in the corner, everything appears to be normal.
It is, for them.
“When I found out, I was already madly in love with her. I didn’t care,” said Kelly, while holding his wife’s hand. “I don’t mind them. It’s who she is.”
Heaney rarely talks to the mops when Kelly is home, as she uses them to keep herself company when alone. The effect it has on their relationship is minimal.
Ever the loving husband, Kelly has bought his wife a few new friends, fully embracing his wife’s creative quirk.
“I’m sure he was a little scared when he saw my childhood bedroom and 30 mops,” she said. “But he appreciates that his wife has a vivid imagination and rather than cook or clean, she dances in the living room and plays characters.”
While Kelly doesn’t play with mops, he conceded to being a bit of a neat freak. Naturally, no traditional mops are used to clean the couple’s home; only ones of the sponged variety.
“We’re meant for each other,” Kelly, 32, said. “I don’t think being with her is ever not easy; it’s life that is hard.”
Not ironically, the support of Kelly plays a central part of the show. But while it’s all fun and games on stage, the joke is over for Heaney once the curtain hits the floor.
“If you met me, I wouldn’t say within five minutes that I collect and talk to mops,” Heaney said. “It’s not a funny story for me, it’s my life.”
The audience, in spite of their laughter, seems to get it.
“After seeing the world through her eyes for just an hour, you can’t help but see the good inside of most people and inside of most inanimate objects,” said theatre-goer Julia Sulivan. “I left thinking, ‘that girl must never get bored, ever.’”
Mop-o-holic will be next performed at The Peoples Improv Theater (123 E. 24th Street) on October 6, at 8pm. Tickets are $5 and can be reserved at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/177274.
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