WWE RAW Coverage: Conspiracy Theories

The first segment of last night’s Monday Night RAW felt like an episode of “Scooby Doo.”

With conspiracy theories and evil-doers running rampant, CM Punk, Triple H and John Laurinaitis all had their parts to play. CM Punk was Thelma, claiming he knew who was behind it all, while Triple H was as clueless as a Shaggy-haired stoner.

Laureninaitis is obviously the bad guy here, but he has yet to be unmasked.

The fact that The Miz and R-Truth were “fired” at the end of the show only goes to prove how braindead the WWE Creative team is right now.

It’s obvious that they’re attempting to put Laurinaitis  in the middle of this angle somehow, but it’s all too much. It makes little sense logically and is exhausting to comprehend and follow.

The show then followed up the long promo with short matches and even more promo. Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler spoiled, well more like saved, Hugh Jackman’s spot on the show. Looks like someone in the WWE understands that the fans deserve more than blatant product placement like that. In the end, this all opened the door for Zack Ryder, who continues to prove that if the WWE ever had a real Internet Champion, it would indeed be him.

Mark Henry cut a decent no-nonsense promo last night and took care of both Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. While he may not be everyone’s first choice as a champion, Henry made an impact on RAW. His title reign may end up as highly scrutinized, but he started out on the right foot.

All these events together weren’t enough to make RAW special. The matches were bland and the Punk/HHH Angle needs to be developed further. The way it stands, it’s just not intriguing enough to titillate the audience. With all the “shoots” and “insider” jabber going on before the bell and a lack of decisively good action after, the WWE has their formula all wrong.

You capture their mind outside the ring; you capture their hearts in it.

Now ask yourself, are any of the company’s angles pushing something different on the mic or in the ring?

Until that happens, the only satisfaction real wrestling fans will get from this show are when Punk has a microphone and a few minutes.

Every other time, it’s lather, rinse repeat.

Or watching The Miz completely embarrass himself, rapping with R-Truth.

The marks will continue to watch, freshly coated in audible filler and washed briskly with cold matches.

The real fans can only wait for a brighter future, with better writing and matches that induce sweat from their favorite combatants and not snickers and scoffs from fanboys’ twitters.

Matches:

Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, Sheamus and Justin Gabriel vs. David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, Christian and Wade Barrett:A decent opening match that saw Sheamus essentially steal the show, delivering most of his offense to all four of his opponents. Otunga got it the worst though, as Sheamus hit the diving Cross-Powerbomb for the win.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrision: Simply put, Del Rio destroyed Morrison with the cross-arm bar in less than a minute. This was an old school job in order to establish Del Rio for the Pay Per View. Expect a few more of these.

Sin Cara vs. Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes: This two Sin Cara nonsense is just that. Rather than have a match, a “second” Sin Cara hit the ring [much like what happened on Friday night Smackdown last week] and the two tangoed for a few minutes, with nothing coming out of the altercation.

Kelly Kelly and Eve Torrez vs. Natalya Neidhart and Beth Phoenix:
The Divas of Doom had little clout before this match, but now they have even less. The fact that Torrez pinned Neidhart with a rollup without breaking a sweat proves that the Divas Division is a complete mess.

Zack Ryder w/ Hugh Jackman vs. United States Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler w/ Vikki Guerrero: After Guerrero got sent to the back by the referee, Wolverine punched Ziggler in the face, leaving him wide open for Ryder to hit the Rough Ryder leg lariat for the victory. With a win over the US champ, what’s the next step for Ryder?

CM Punk and John Cena vs. The Miz and R-Truth: The crowd seemed to love this match, but it was ultimately pretty routine. After Cena got beat up for 10 minutes, Punk hit the ring and beat The Miz with the GTS. With plenty of near-falls and hot tags, it did have some exciting moments, but what does this prove? How does it further any storylines? With Punk and Cena in a triangle match at Hell in a Cell with Del Rio, the last thing they should be doing is playing nice with each other.

About Patrick Hickey Jr. 8976 Articles
Patrick Hickey Jr. is the Founder, Editor-in-Chief, Master Jedi and Grand Pooh-bah of ReviewFix.com and is the author of the book, "The Minds Behind the Games: Interviews with Cult and Classic Video Game Developers," from leading academic and non-fiction publisher McFarland and Company. He is currently the Assistant Director of the Journalism Program at Kingsborough Community College and is a former News Editor at NBC Local Integrated Media and a National Video Games Writer at the late Examiner.com. He has also had articles and photos published in The New York Times, The New York Daily News, Complex and The Syracuse Post-Standard. Love him. Read him.

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