Everyone has experienced that one moment when they clutch their controller, look at the screen and feel their palms covered in perspiration. But few gamers are remiss in admitting that the sweat is not caused from being chased by a head crab or even trying to outsmart Vulcan Raven.
That sweat is the direct result of their infatuation with the video game heroine inhabiting their virtual world.
Here’s a list of what this Review Fixer deems the Top 10 sexiest ladies of gaming.
10. Rubi Malone, WET:
Gunplay and video games go hand in hand, but this Taratinoeque game takes the cake. Putting you in the leather boots of Rubi Malone, you get to live out your gun-totting fantasies while controlling one of the best designed heroines in video games. Tatted up and sporting leather, her look is functional, as well as edgy. Her clothing and figure are an extension of her character and her traits.
Her slender figure is not a testament to over sexualization, but to flexibility, agility and just looking God-damn cool. Did I mention this whisky chugging chick packs a sword and is voiced by Buffy’s Eliza Dushku? That just adds to her appeal and why you should try to get WET with her.
9. Jill Valentine, Resident Evil:
Before she went blonde and tried to kill you; this stalwart of the survivial horror genre had been slaying the hearts of children across America and Japan. She made being trapped inside a monster filled mansion appealing. This beauty is also intelligent. She used her smarts to solve plenty a crank filled puzzle and was described by fellow STARS member Barry Burton described her as the “master of unlocking” – something she did to my heart with her polygonal glory.
8. Joanna Dark, Perfect Dark:
Nintendo 64 had a tons of heroes. But none came close to this globetrotting, red-headed global warming survivor. The spiritual successor to James Bond’s legendary GoldenEye 007, she took to the first person genre like a fish to water. Rare, who also developed the Odd-job sporting title brought a bit of Bond’s finesse into her gameplay. But what really makes her sexy is her use of stealth and high-tech gadgets to get the job done. Don’t you just love the techy girls? Her fiery personality and Blue-tinted leather-clad costumes should be admired from a distance only.
7. Nariko- Heavenly Sword:
If anything I love Nariko for one reason-introducing me to Anna Torv before Fringe ever made it onto TV.
The niece of Rupert Murdoch was the motion capture and voice actress for Nariko a chosen female warrior belittled by her tribe for having a long mane of fired Red Hair. (Noticing a trend here?)
Torv’s performance helped catapult Nariko into a relatable character whose curves were as deadly as her sword. Her green eyes ensnared you and would even make God of War’s Kratos consider settling down.
Nariko had the grace of a dancer as she left hundreds dead on the battle field. Her ballerina-like fluidity and long flowing red hair have made her a fan-favorite. If only she would play with my Heavenly Sword?
6. Samus Aran, Metroid:
There can’t be a sexy video game girl list without Aran. Besides given early games, like myself, the shock of their lives the armor suited vixen is known for slaying many a space pirate. Samus is not like the other outright sexy females. She hides her good looks via her Power Suit and only comes out to surprise gamers and enemies alike. She helped pave the way for many strong characters who followed in her 8-bit footsteps.
5. Blaze Fielding, Streets of Rage:
Blaze Fielding is best known for her ability to kick your ass. This street-cleaning community activist was known for her red dress and magic bandana. She was also remarkably vicious -like a Wolverine I tell you. Every attack she unleashed gave off that satisfying thud that modern games could only help replicate. You could never tell Blaze was in for a fight as her appearance indicated she was heading straight to the club for a night of trance dancing. But her adept nature with a sword and incredible hand dexterity with a metal pipe makes this one heroine to watch.
4. Chun-Li, Street Fighter,
Who could not help but love this thick-thighed fighter? Her beauty is only outmatched by her skill in combat. This devilishly cute fighter made her debut in Street Fighter II as the games only female playable character and has held a special place in the hearts of gamers ever since. But it was her brief scene in Street Fighter II the Animation that cemented her as one of gamings top beauties. Who else do you know can kick Vega’s ass clear through a wall while wearing frilly Victoria Secret panties and a pajama top? If you said Oscar De La Hoya, brother you got problems.
3. Eva, Metal Gear Solid:
The femme fatale warmed her way into our hearts by single handily tearing apart a Russian GRU unit headed by Revolver Ocelot. The Russian defector/spy/mastermind/eye candy also known as Tatyana defected during the events of Operation Snake Eater wearing a skin tight motor cycle outfit with a plunging neckline. It was her ability to work the throttle of her motorcycle and a Mauser pistol that impressed then CIA operative Naked Snake.
The two struck up a romance and after Eva helped snake get his swagger back ultimately escaping Russia and making their way to an Alaskan cabin where they played 60’s Jazz and got to know each other on a bear rug. But like any spy she defected to China (I don’t know why) sand let Snake wake up alone. Not only was his wallet missing – but a microfilm containing the location of a huge fortune was missing. I bet Snake got a stern talking to by LBJ.
I guess Big Boss got the last laugh as Eva became the surrogate mother to Solid and Liquid Snake. Aging well and gaining that Mrs. Robinson Smokey voice, Eva rocked the leather and her throttle hand worked overtime during the Guns of Patriots storyline. I guess having a little Snake in you makes you do stupid things.
2. Alyx Vance, Half-Life 2 Episode 1 and 2:
The daughter of Dr. Eli Vance is more than just a bookworm. This tight jeaned wise cracker is the epitome of gamer girl chic. Alyx is a skilled hacker, adept at infiltrating Combine computer systems and reprogramming them. Alyx is also very athletic, capable of effortlessly jumping down obstacles and climbing up the side of buildings. So you know that core is toned and she has great grip. This makes her sexy unto her own right. But it is the moments when she catches the player being a man that make you think she has just a little crush on Gordon Freeman – which is a little weird because she was a little girl during the Black Mesa incident.
1. Princess Daphne, Dragons Lair:
I remember pumping quarter after quarter into the Dragon’s Lair arcade game. It was a miracle of 80s gaming technology. But it wasn’t to see the wonderfully hand drawn or the listen to the great voice acting. It was to see the sultry and beautifully animated Princess Daphne. Let me tell you, she was some princess. It was amazing the first time I saw her, her long flowing golden hair and sultry black gown. The floating princess was literally placed on a pedestal for you to go after and try to met the ridiculous requirements just to get her out of her glowing sphere.
The games designers used poses from Playboy magazine to help Daphne pose in game, which made prepubescent young men like myself continue to pump shiny quarter after quarter into the slot. It was like having my first relationship.
All the trouble to get a few screens of happiness, in the end it wasn’t worth the frustration. And real women are worth it. If only I just had to slay a dragon to get the love of a lady instead of having to interpret shoulder shrugs and eye bats.