Impact Wrestling Coverage: Beer Bottles and Machine Guns

“Hogan is going to put a fresh coat of paint on Impact Wrestling,” Impact Wrestling Color Commentator Taz, during Hulk Hogan’s entrance to start the show.

TNA doesn’t need a fresh coat of paint. It needs a new foundation.

The team Bischoff vs. team Bischoff encounter may be fun, but just like Hogan’s run as GM is more paint on crumbling walls. Something else needs to be done.

The card on last night’s Impact, coupled with the returning Motor City Machine Guns and Eric Young’s bachelor party, made for an entertaining show, but creative issues still hamper the program.

TNA continues to make zero sense. Mr. Anderson comes back a few weeks ago and already new TNA GM Hulk Hogan gives him a title shot already. Sure, it wasn’t at a PPV and we knew that there wouldn’t be a clean finish. But at this point, the TNA World Heavyweight title isn’t even worth its weight in gold.

Anderson is easily one of the best workers and mic men that TNA has, but c’mon, build the guy back up again. Even in the WWE, The Rock and Brock Lesnar haven’t gotten title shots just because they’ve returned. In TNA, number one contender spots get thrown around like silly putty in a kindergarten classroom. It feels like a returning star automatically gets a title shot. It’s a joke.

Matches:

Jeff Hardy vs. Kurt Angle: One of the best matches on Impact in a while despite the poor ending. Almost like a PPV match. Angle and Hardy were physical; Angle got busted open and the two traded plenty of maneuvers. Both showed enough signature offense to satisfy their fans. At the same time, the pace was quick and the action unexpected. Impact needs more matches like this. Angle’s modified Tiger Suplexes were sweet, but evidence that his neck is injured. Hardy’s new variation of the Twist of Fate into a seated-Stunner position is cool too. After about 15 minutes of ferocious action, Angle slapped on the Ankle Lock, but Hardy wouldn’t give up. After he blocked a low blow, Hardy missed a second Twist of Fate and Angle walked away from the ring and got counted out.

Number One Contender Knockouts Challenge: Velvet Sky vs. Tara vs. Winter vs. Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James vs. Angelina Love: No pigeons? Not a good start. It was a boring match till the end when it was finishers galore. In the middle of the carnage, Sky hit her modified Pedigree for the win.

James Storm vs. AJ Styles: These two definitely broke a sweat here. This was Styles’ way to make Storm a reputable singles wrestler. Before the match, Styles said he was too fast to get caught with Storm’s Super Kick. After he escaped a single leg crab, he proved he was fast enough, countering Styles slingshot flip (which Styles usually transfers into a neckbreaker) and nailing “The Phenomenal One” with his Last Call for the win.

The Motor City Machine Guns Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin vs. Mexican America Anarquia and Hernandez w/ Rosita and Sarita: Hail Sabin. Good to have him back. The guns were solid here. It was like they didn’t miss a beat. At the same time, absent from this match were the crazy high spots that they were known for. Aside from a suicide dive from Sabin, the Guns were more technically solid and less X-Division-like. Still an excellent match and after the Neckbreaker, top rope splash combo, MCMG were victorious.

Mr. Anderson vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Roode: Best main event on Impact in months. Well for about 10 minutes. Roode took a beer bottle from a fan and broke it over Anderson’s head to earn the DQ.

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About Patrick Hickey Jr. 14230 Articles
Patrick Hickey Jr. is a full-time Assistant Professor of Communication & Performing Arts and Director of the Journalism program at Kingsborough Community College and is the chairman of the City University of New York Journalism Council. He is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of ReviewFix.com. He's also a former News Editor at NBC Local Integrated Media and National Video Games Writer at Examiner.com where his work was mentioned in National Ad campaigns by Disney, Nintendo and EA Sports. Hickey was also the Editor-In-Chief of two College Newspapers before he received his BA in Journalism from Brooklyn College. Hickey's work has been published in The New York Daily News, The New York Times, Complex, The Hockey Writers, Yahoo!, Broadway World, Examiner, NYSportScene Magazine, ProHockeyNews.com, GothamBaseball.com, The Syracuse Post-Standard, Scout.com and the official sites of the Brooklyn Aces and New York Islanders. His first book, The Minds Behind the Games: Interviews With Cult And Classic Video Game Developers was released in April 2018 and is chock full of interviews with legendary developers. His second book in the series, The Minds Behind Adventures Games, was released in December 2019. His third book, The Minds Behind Sports Games, was released in September 2020. His fourth book, The Minds Behind Shooter Games, was released in March 2021. The Minds Behind Sega Genesis Games and The Minds Behind PlayStation Games were released in 2022 and The Minds Behind PlayStation 2 was published in January 2023. Hickey is also a contracted comic book writer, currently penning his original series, "Condrey," as well as "The Job," "Brooklyn Bleeds" "Dem Gulls" and "KROOM" for Legacy Comix, where he serves as founder, owner and Editor-in-Chief. Hickey Jr. is also a voice actor, having starred in the 2018 indie hit and 2019 Switch, PS4 and Xbox One release, The Padre (also serving as English language Story Editor), from Shotgun With Glitters. The sequel, The Padre: One Shell Straight to Hell was released in February 2021- Hickey also served as a Story Editor and Lead Voiceover performer. He has also done narration and trailers for several other titles including The Kaiju Offensive, Relentless Rex and Roniu’s Tale. Hickey is also the lead voiceover performer on Mega Cat Studios’ upcoming title WrestleQuest, responsible for nearly 90 characters in the game, as well as Skybound's Renfield: Bring Your Own Blood, where he voices both Dracula and Renfield, as well as several other characters. He also stars in Ziggurat Interactive’s World Championship Boxing Manager 2, where he performs the VO of nearly every male character in the game. He also worked on the Atari VCS’s BPM Boy.

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