Impact Wrestling Coverage: Beer Bottles and Machine Guns

“Hogan is going to put a fresh coat of paint on Impact Wrestling,” Impact Wrestling Color Commentator Taz, during Hulk Hogan’s entrance to start the show.

TNA doesn’t need a fresh coat of paint. It needs a new foundation.

The team Bischoff vs. team Bischoff encounter may be fun, but just like Hogan’s run as GM is more paint on crumbling walls. Something else needs to be done.

The card on last night’s Impact, coupled with the returning Motor City Machine Guns and Eric Young’s bachelor party, made for an entertaining show, but creative issues still hamper the program.

TNA continues to make zero sense. Mr. Anderson comes back a few weeks ago and already new TNA GM Hulk Hogan gives him a title shot already. Sure, it wasn’t at a PPV and we knew that there wouldn’t be a clean finish. But at this point, the TNA World Heavyweight title isn’t even worth its weight in gold.

Anderson is easily one of the best workers and mic men that TNA has, but c’mon, build the guy back up again. Even in the WWE, The Rock and Brock Lesnar haven’t gotten title shots just because they’ve returned. In TNA, number one contender spots get thrown around like silly putty in a kindergarten classroom. It feels like a returning star automatically gets a title shot. It’s a joke.

Matches:

Jeff Hardy vs. Kurt Angle: One of the best matches on Impact in a while despite the poor ending. Almost like a PPV match. Angle and Hardy were physical; Angle got busted open and the two traded plenty of maneuvers. Both showed enough signature offense to satisfy their fans. At the same time, the pace was quick and the action unexpected. Impact needs more matches like this. Angle’s modified Tiger Suplexes were sweet, but evidence that his neck is injured. Hardy’s new variation of the Twist of Fate into a seated-Stunner position is cool too. After about 15 minutes of ferocious action, Angle slapped on the Ankle Lock, but Hardy wouldn’t give up. After he blocked a low blow, Hardy missed a second Twist of Fate and Angle walked away from the ring and got counted out.

Number One Contender Knockouts Challenge: Velvet Sky vs. Tara vs. Winter vs. Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James vs. Angelina Love: No pigeons? Not a good start. It was a boring match till the end when it was finishers galore. In the middle of the carnage, Sky hit her modified Pedigree for the win.

James Storm vs. AJ Styles: These two definitely broke a sweat here. This was Styles’ way to make Storm a reputable singles wrestler. Before the match, Styles said he was too fast to get caught with Storm’s Super Kick. After he escaped a single leg crab, he proved he was fast enough, countering Styles slingshot flip (which Styles usually transfers into a neckbreaker) and nailing “The Phenomenal One” with his Last Call for the win.

The Motor City Machine Guns Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin vs. Mexican America Anarquia and Hernandez w/ Rosita and Sarita: Hail Sabin. Good to have him back. The guns were solid here. It was like they didn’t miss a beat. At the same time, absent from this match were the crazy high spots that they were known for. Aside from a suicide dive from Sabin, the Guns were more technically solid and less X-Division-like. Still an excellent match and after the Neckbreaker, top rope splash combo, MCMG were victorious.

Mr. Anderson vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Roode: Best main event on Impact in months. Well for about 10 minutes. Roode took a beer bottle from a fan and broke it over Anderson’s head to earn the DQ.

About Patrick Hickey Jr. 8614 Articles
Patrick Hickey Jr. is the Founder, Editor-in-Chief, Master Jedi and Grand Pooh-bah of ReviewFix.com and is the author of the book, "The Minds Behind the Games: Interviews with Cult and Classic Video Game Developers," from leading academic and non-fiction publisher McFarland and Company. He is currently the Assistant Director of the Journalism Program at Kingsborough Community College and is a former News Editor at NBC Local Integrated Media and a National Video Games Writer at the late Examiner.com. He has also had articles and photos published in The New York Times, The New York Daily News, Complex and The Syracuse Post-Standard. Love him. Read him.

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