TNA Impact Coverage: A Little Bit of Everything

“Hooray, Tara is Back.”

For those lucky enough to flip to Spike TV a few minutes early, the previous show’s credits were interrupted by a confrontation between the team of Robert Roode & Zema Ion and TNA World Heavyweight Champion Austin Aries & Kenny King backstage.

Robert Roode and X-Division Champion Zema Ion vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Austin Aries and Kenny King: The teams continued to brawl down the ramp and around the ring until Earl Hebner was nudged awake and rang the bell. Doesn’t he only do Knockouts’ matches? Get him back to the home regardless.

This was a fast paced tag match with numerous tag-ins and double teams. Ion has gone from X-pac heat, to heat for a much better reason-because he’s good. He yells, screams and shows off and when he gets caught, he screams even more.

Winners: Aries and King

Sting comes to the ring and calls out Storm. Sting’s bright blue boots just scream “Up the Punx” He’s 50 now, right?

Storm comes out, looking like a fat Vince Neil (ok, regular Vince Neil) & Sting asks why the Aces and Eight’s haven’t attacked Storm. The obviously pregnant Storm (he’s wearing a maternity shirt, for sure) somehow turns the issue to he and Kurt Angle, who comes out next.

Angle yells about Aces and Eight’s then leaves. What was this about? Exactly.

Bound For Glory Series: Bully Ray vs. Robbie E: Does the Jersey Shore still exist? Anyway, Rob Terry gave Ray a shot, allowing E. to get a jump on him before the bell. Good on him. Ray answers back with some sickening sounding chops and a Cutter.

Winner by pinfall: Bully Ray

Earl Hebner and Madison Rayne are backstage-he gives her chocolate & a bear. Ok then.

Madison Rayne vs. Tara vs. Gail Kim vs. Mickie James: Gail Kim superplexed Tara. Suplexed, as in “of the top turnbuckle. A 35-year-old woman & a 41-year-old woman called a spot that the WWE saves for PPV’s. As per usual, the veteran Knockouts stole the show, while still letting the youngins have their time. In the end, an easy role up on Madison should have given Tara the win, but Madison’s spell over Hebner gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Winner and new #1 contender: Madison Rayne

Kid Kash (w/Gunner) vs. Chavo Guerrero (w/Hernandez): Redneck verses Hispanic guy,who’d have thought? Seriously though, this match was once hidden on Velocity, & now its TNA’s best kept secret. Both of these men have only gotten better with age & can easily transition from highflying to power wrestling. Chavito finishes his first Impact match with the Three Amigos and Frog Splash.

Winner: Chavo Guerrero

Christopher Daniels and Frank Kazarian throw a baby shower for Claire “TakesUpValueableTime.”

Thanks to the genius of Daniels, it was slightly amusing.

Bound for Glory Series: Kurt Angle vs. James Storm: Angle wrestled like a kid playing video games. He hits enough moves to power up his finisher bar, then it’s Triple German Suplex, Angle Slam, Ankle Lock. Storm looked to be pretty gassed halfway through, but it didn’t stop them from putting on a 3-4 star match, as usual. After Angle had an Ankle Lock locked for what seemed like hours, Storm reversed it and hit a Super Kick to pick up his victory.

Winner by pinfall: James Storm.

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