WWE RAW Coverage: Deep Fried Twinkie Tits, Pie and the F-5

RAW Roulette was live in Vegas this week, but not everything that occurred will stay there. Make no mistake, there will be long-lasting effects that stem from this night.

Aside from surprising wins from Randy Orton and Bo Dallas, the drama from CM Punk’s loss to the Rock was entertaining. Their promo and the announcement of the rematch at Elimination Chamber sets up what could be a decent pay per view, even though it’ll most likely be the typical Royal Rumble rematches.

Vince McMahon’s video proof that Paul Heyman orchestrated the Shield’s interference in Punk and Rock’s WWE Title match made the night. It landed the ECW founder in McMahon Chateau de Bow Wow. To see Heyman squirm was classic.

Things changed quickly when Brock Lesnar returned and hit McMahon with the F-5.

But aside from Lesnar and Chris Jericho’s return as well as the announcement of Trish Stratus joining the 2013 class of the WWE Hall of Fame, the other antics on this night were charming at times and embarrassing at others. Khali singing? Really? What a joke. For the most part, it all felt like filler. All in all, this was an enjoyable episode of RAW but one that needed more firepower considering it was the first episode leading up to Wrestlemania.

Matches:

United States Heavyweight Champion Antonio Cesaro vs. Randy Orton- Special Referee The Miz: The two commercial breaks hurt the flow of the match tremendously. It wasn’t a terrible encounter, but it was hard to get into. The fans were behind the WWE’s “Apex Predator,” but this was a pretty straight-ahead, even matchup. For about 30 seconds, the two traded European Uppercuts. Orton got a bit of support from The Miz, who let him get away with some out of the ring physicality. Cesaro nearly won the match with a Titl-a-Whirl Michinoku Driver, but Orton fought back. After a pair of clotheslines and a Powerslam, Orton went “vintage,” but Cesaro fought back with a flying European Uppercut. Cesaro then had Orton in the corner, but Miz got involved again. This allowed Orton to get back in the game. Too busy with Miz, Cesaro walked into an RKO and lost. Thankfully for Cesaro, it was a non-title match.

After the match, Miz nailed Cesaro with the Skull-Crushing Finale.

Player’s Choice: Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett vs. Bo Dallas: Barrett wasn’t in the mood for games on RAW. He landed kicks on Dallas at will. However, in a flash, Dallas countered the Bull Hammer Elbow into a T-Bone Powerslam of sorts for the surprising win.

Cody Rhodes vs. John Cena: Rhodes tried to leave the match, but Cena brought him back to the ring and performed his trademark offense and the Attitude Adjustment for a quick win.

Las Vegas Lumber Jills Match: Divas Champion Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka: A waste of time. After less than five minutes, all the Divas, sans the actual participants in the match, began to fight in the ring and the contest was thrown out.

Tables Match: Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow: The WWE’s “Intellectual Savior” held his own for much longer than anyone else thought. He proved again he’s one of the most underrated workers in the company. Sheamus was too much man for the studious Sandow however. The Celtic Warrior won with the White Noise through a table in the turnbuckle.

Strange Bed Fellows Match: WWE Tag Team Champions Kane and Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler w/ Big E. Langston and AJ Lee: After Ziggler interrupted Jericho’s welcome back promo and talked smack, a spin of the roulette wheel made them partners. The match didn’t last long. Jericho predictably skipped town and let Ziggler get the Chokeslam from Kane.

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About Patrick Hickey Jr. 14230 Articles
Patrick Hickey Jr. is a full-time Assistant Professor of Communication & Performing Arts and Director of the Journalism program at Kingsborough Community College and is the chairman of the City University of New York Journalism Council. He is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of ReviewFix.com. He's also a former News Editor at NBC Local Integrated Media and National Video Games Writer at Examiner.com where his work was mentioned in National Ad campaigns by Disney, Nintendo and EA Sports. Hickey was also the Editor-In-Chief of two College Newspapers before he received his BA in Journalism from Brooklyn College. Hickey's work has been published in The New York Daily News, The New York Times, Complex, The Hockey Writers, Yahoo!, Broadway World, Examiner, NYSportScene Magazine, ProHockeyNews.com, GothamBaseball.com, The Syracuse Post-Standard, Scout.com and the official sites of the Brooklyn Aces and New York Islanders. His first book, The Minds Behind the Games: Interviews With Cult And Classic Video Game Developers was released in April 2018 and is chock full of interviews with legendary developers. His second book in the series, The Minds Behind Adventures Games, was released in December 2019. His third book, The Minds Behind Sports Games, was released in September 2020. His fourth book, The Minds Behind Shooter Games, was released in March 2021. The Minds Behind Sega Genesis Games and The Minds Behind PlayStation Games were released in 2022 and The Minds Behind PlayStation 2 was published in January 2023. Hickey is also a contracted comic book writer, currently penning his original series, "Condrey," as well as "The Job," "Brooklyn Bleeds" "Dem Gulls" and "KROOM" for Legacy Comix, where he serves as founder, owner and Editor-in-Chief. Hickey Jr. is also a voice actor, having starred in the 2018 indie hit and 2019 Switch, PS4 and Xbox One release, The Padre (also serving as English language Story Editor), from Shotgun With Glitters. The sequel, The Padre: One Shell Straight to Hell was released in February 2021- Hickey also served as a Story Editor and Lead Voiceover performer. He has also done narration and trailers for several other titles including The Kaiju Offensive, Relentless Rex and Roniu’s Tale. Hickey is also the lead voiceover performer on Mega Cat Studios’ upcoming title WrestleQuest, responsible for nearly 90 characters in the game, as well as Skybound's Renfield: Bring Your Own Blood, where he voices both Dracula and Renfield, as well as several other characters. He also stars in Ziggurat Interactive’s World Championship Boxing Manager 2, where he performs the VO of nearly every male character in the game. He also worked on the Atari VCS’s BPM Boy.

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