WWE RAW Coverage: Deep Fried Twinkie Tits, Pie and the F-5

RAW Roulette was live in Vegas this week, but not everything that occurred will stay there. Make no mistake, there will be long-lasting effects that stem from this night.

Aside from surprising wins from Randy Orton and Bo Dallas, the drama from CM Punk’s loss to the Rock was entertaining. Their promo and the announcement of the rematch at Elimination Chamber sets up what could be a decent pay per view, even though it’ll most likely be the typical Royal Rumble rematches.

Vince McMahon’s video proof that Paul Heyman orchestrated the Shield’s interference in Punk and Rock’s WWE Title match made the night. It landed the ECW founder in McMahon Chateau de Bow Wow. To see Heyman squirm was classic.

Things changed quickly when Brock Lesnar returned and hit McMahon with the F-5.

But aside from Lesnar and Chris Jericho’s return as well as the announcement of Trish Stratus joining the 2013 class of the WWE Hall of Fame, the other antics on this night were charming at times and embarrassing at others. Khali singing? Really? What a joke. For the most part, it all felt like filler. All in all, this was an enjoyable episode of RAW but one that needed more firepower considering it was the first episode leading up to Wrestlemania.

Matches:

United States Heavyweight Champion Antonio Cesaro vs. Randy Orton- Special Referee The Miz: The two commercial breaks hurt the flow of the match tremendously. It wasn’t a terrible encounter, but it was hard to get into. The fans were behind the WWE’s “Apex Predator,” but this was a pretty straight-ahead, even matchup. For about 30 seconds, the two traded European Uppercuts. Orton got a bit of support from The Miz, who let him get away with some out of the ring physicality. Cesaro nearly won the match with a Titl-a-Whirl Michinoku Driver, but Orton fought back. After a pair of clotheslines and a Powerslam, Orton went “vintage,” but Cesaro fought back with a flying European Uppercut. Cesaro then had Orton in the corner, but Miz got involved again. This allowed Orton to get back in the game. Too busy with Miz, Cesaro walked into an RKO and lost. Thankfully for Cesaro, it was a non-title match.

After the match, Miz nailed Cesaro with the Skull-Crushing Finale.

Player’s Choice: Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett vs. Bo Dallas: Barrett wasn’t in the mood for games on RAW. He landed kicks on Dallas at will. However, in a flash, Dallas countered the Bull Hammer Elbow into a T-Bone Powerslam of sorts for the surprising win.

Cody Rhodes vs. John Cena: Rhodes tried to leave the match, but Cena brought him back to the ring and performed his trademark offense and the Attitude Adjustment for a quick win.

Las Vegas Lumber Jills Match: Divas Champion Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka: A waste of time. After less than five minutes, all the Divas, sans the actual participants in the match, began to fight in the ring and the contest was thrown out.

Tables Match: Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow: The WWE’s “Intellectual Savior” held his own for much longer than anyone else thought. He proved again he’s one of the most underrated workers in the company. Sheamus was too much man for the studious Sandow however. The Celtic Warrior won with the White Noise through a table in the turnbuckle.

Strange Bed Fellows Match: WWE Tag Team Champions Kane and Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler w/ Big E. Langston and AJ Lee: After Ziggler interrupted Jericho’s welcome back promo and talked smack, a spin of the roulette wheel made them partners. The match didn’t last long. Jericho predictably skipped town and let Ziggler get the Chokeslam from Kane.

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About Patrick Hickey Jr. 12524 Articles
Patrick Hickey Jr. is the Founder, Editor-in-Chief, Master Jedi and Grand Pooh-bah of ReviewFix.com and is the author of the book, "The Minds Behind the Games: Interviews with Cult and Classic Video Game Developers," from leading academic and non-fiction publisher McFarland and Company. He is currently the Assistant Director of the Journalism Program at Kingsborough Community College and is a former News Editor at NBC Local Integrated Media and a National Video Games Writer at the late Examiner.com. He has also had articles and photos published in The New York Times, The New York Daily News, Complex and The Syracuse Post-Standard. Love him. Read him.

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