AEW Rampage Power Rankings: Juicey

We are just one week away from the biggest, best professional wrestling weekend of the year. A weekend so packed with content that there’s a chance Tony Khan has 2 promotions airing events concurrently as next week’s Supercard of Honor seems likely to bleed into the start of Rampage. But for now AEW had this rare Saturday night show essentially all to themselves (at least as far as wrestling goes). So could they capitalize on back ti back great Dynamites? No. Of course not. But the show wasn’t terrible so let’s get to ranking what they gave us!

Honorable Mention: Juice Robinson. Ricky Starks came out and challenged Juice Robinson who said he was accepting but stopped half way up the ramp only to be jumped by Starks. Juice ran off into the crowd and told Ricky he’d fight him but not this week or next week because he hates Missouri. He got the towns confused during his complaining which seemed legitimate and made me chuckle. So they’ll meet up in “New York City” (quick aside; it’s not, it’s in Long Island so just outside the city) on April 5th at the UBS arena. This segment wasn’t much but with UBS being a reasonably short trip for me it’s nice to see them start to build that Dynamite. If they add enough maybe I’ll end up at that show.

5. Swerve Strickland. Swerve was in the back with Tech N9ne because he’s as sick and twisted as Swerve is. Tech suggested Swerve bring somebody Lee doesn’t even expect. He’s going to finish this when he wants to and he’s going to win the war. Personally I like Tech N9ne’s music a lot, find him incredibly ubderrated and wish somebody would get an entrance song done by him so just seeing him on my TV was a cool moment. Swerve being affiliated (pun 100% intended) with all the rappers they bring in helps his character a lot. I wish they’d just get to the Keith Lee match already because of how much steam this feud has lost being put on pause but maybe the mystery man being Swerve picks will help start heating things up again. Time will tell. 

4. Taya Valkyrie. Leila Grey accompanied by “Smart” Mark Sterling and Jade Cargill took on Taya Valkyrie. Despite Sterling stopping Valkyrie while running towards the ropes by holding up the cease and desist she still got a quick win over Grey with the Road to Valhalla. Sterling jumped in the ring after the bell but got hit with the Road to Valhalla as well before Valkyrie beckoned Jade. Cargill walked off as commentary talked about their clash being inevitable. I’m still not for Taya being the one to actually beat Jade but they have at least built her up to feel like a more realistic threat to her reign than most of her recent opponents. 

3. The Acclaimed. Once again we skipped the triple box promo in favor of a video package hyping up The Kingdom v. The Acclaimed in our main event. Caster’s best line was about Mike Bennett being best known for being a cuck. It made me chuckle and reminded me that he had the best forgotten entrance music in recent WWE history. Matt Menard and Angelo Parker were on commentary still trying to recruit The Acclaimed. Menard have a funny line about the J.A.S. being known for being big fans of rap music. Maria slipped her boot to Taven and Billy Gunn chased her up the ramp  before Top Flight showed up behind her and she reteated to the back. Bennett tried to jumpy Billy Gunn from behind but “Daddy Ass” took him out instead. In the ring the ref dealing with Taven holding Maria’s boot gave Bowens the chance to tag in and take control. They hit The Arrival and The Mic Drop to beat The Kingdom. Menard and Parker stood up from the desk and clapped. After the match Billy tried to put on Maria’s boot to no avail before he and The Acclaimed hit a triple scissor celebration as Menard and Parker scissored on commentary. I’ve been a pretty harsh critic of The Kingdom at times, especially Matt Taven individually, but they were solid here and hit some nice double team moves that I missed in my notes. This wasn’t on par with the better Rampage main events bit was fine for what it was. The Acclaimed got a win and while I don’t want ROH stuff featured with any sort of regularity in AEW this was a minor enough thing that I didn’t mind them using Rampage to further Top Flight v. The Kingdom which has apparently become a feud in ROH. 

2. Powerhouse Hobbs. The show opened with Penta El Zero Miedo looking to avenge his brother Rey Fenix’s loss last week against Powerhouse Hobbs. After sending Hobbs out of the ring with a superkick and following it up with a dive over the top rope Penta hit a diving foot stomp from the top post to Hobbs on the apron and again in the ring but only got a 2. QT Marshall got on the apron with a chair but Alex Abrahantes ripped it from him. With the ref distracted Aaron Solo tried to jump off the top and attack Penta but ate a superkick and Fear Factor for his troubles. As the ref was dealing with Solo Hobbs nailed Penta with the TNT title and Town Business for the win. Penta hasn’t been positioned strongly enough for Hobbs to need to use the belt so that was a little frustrating but Excalibur did say that Hobbs doesn’t need to take these short cuts which saved it a bit. After the match Fenix ran down with the hammer to stop the QTV crew from doing any more damage. I actually enjoy the QTV stuff and  I just wish Hobbs would get clean wins now and save the QTV involvement for when he faces guys who are more credible threats. 

1. Brody King. In the second match of the night big meaty men were set to slap meat as House of Black’s Brody King squared off against noted hat enthusiast Jake Hager. King kicked his way out of an ankle lock attempt but Hager dodged a cannonball splash that followed only for Brody to get his feet up stopping a Hager Bomb. Brody got a near fall woth a discus lariat but on the outside Anna Jay took out Julia Hart which distracted King so Hager could roll him up but he couldn’t sneak out the win. Finally King hit an All Seeing Eye for the victory. This was the most I’ve enjoyed a Hager singles match in a long time and the only other Hager singles match I can even remember being tolerable was the Wardlow MMA type match. Which got me thinking, can we rebrand the AEW International Championship for a third time and make that a sort of “Super heavyweight” or hoss title? So many of their big guys seem to be at their best working with other big men. This may only be getting the #1 spot because my expectations of any Hager match are so low but I really had more fun with this than the opener or closer of the show. 

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