Rampage Power Rankings: Dino Power

Barney is a dinosaur from our imaginations but Luchasaurus is one from the age of the cretaceous! My rhymes might need work, I’m definitely not critically acclaimed but both The Acclaimed and the Jurassic Express had better perfomances than me tonight so let’s jump into the rankings for this week!

Honorable Mention: Nyla Rose, Penelope Ford & The Bunny. In their first match since the insane street fight on Rampage: New Year’s Smash Ford & The Bunny were able to pick up the win, along with their partner Rose thanks to constant dissension between two of their opponents; Kris Statlander & Leyla Hirsch. Statlander & Hirsch kept tagging themselves in while Velvet tried to play peacemaker. They each hit some double teams with Velvet but in the end a blind tag from Hirsch while Statlander was starting to get on a roll led to Leyla getting rolled up by the Bunny to give the dastardly trio the win.

5. Scorpio Sky. Sky was in the back with Page and Lambert. He discussed Sammy, Cody and the TNT title picture. He mentioned not being pinned in 228 days and not losing a singles match in 310. I’m a sucker for numbers in wrestling because it does help the “real sports” feel of it all. Sky also had one of the best lines of the night when he said he doesn’t care who’s holding the belt, he wants the title.

4. Shawn Spears
. The match went exactly as long as I’d want a Spears match to go; less than a minute. Andrew Everett did an awesome looking jump from the corner outside to the apron but Spears caught him trying to springboard in and won with a C4. After the match he cut a promo on CM Punk and hyped up their match on the next Dynamite.

3. Adam Cole.
The Best Friends and Cole & Co. continued their feud as Cole and Trent had a fun back and forth to open the night. Cole attacked the back of Beretta early sweeping out his legs on the apron. Cole went for a Panama Sunrise jumping off the apron on to the floor but Beretta countered it with a back body drop. Trent hit an avalanche brainbuster but it wasn’t enough. Trent went for a Strong 0 but Cole reversed it into a Canadian Destroyer for 2. Cole nailed a super kick to the front and back of Trent’s head and tried again for a Panama Sunrise but this time Trent landed the Strong 0 but Cole was able to get a foot on the ropes. The Best Friends and Cole’s crew brawled outside allowing Cole to hit a low blow and The Boom for the win. I really can’t wait for this feud to come to a head and like I’ve said before if it isn’t in Blood & Guts what are we even doing here?!

2. The Acclaimed.
Max Caster is the best! Every promotion should be legally obligated to have a rapper character. They dropped a music video dissing Sting & Darby that featured Bowens in the Darby half-paint and some guy dressed like Sting. Filmed in and around an abandoned apartment we got lines like “Got the crowd feeling half dead like you are”, “Me & Bowens bout to hit yo ass with a buckle bomb” and “Why you actin’ so hard like this? Got a big black bat but a little white *beep* (no, literally beeped out)” Was it sophomoric? Absolutely. Was it Caster’s best diss track? No, the Spears song and “Buck Hunt” were both better. But I still laughed and was entertained the whole time and I need more of this!

1. Jurassic Express.
Silver and Reynolds probably deserve a spot on the list for how fun this was but this episode was just so loaded it’s hard to take anyone else out. Silver caught Jungle Boy on a suicide dive attempt and lifted him in a suplex only for Reynolds to fly through the ropes with a dive of his own into Jungle Boy while suplexed. Luchasaurus hit his signature chokeslam sending Silve crashing on to Reynolds. There was then an exchange in the corner that saw a wild tower of doom type spot where Jungle Boy superplexed Reynolds while Silver German suplexed Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus powerbombed Silver. Dark Order then hit their strike combo, cutter, German suplex, jackknife pin sequence they’ve used on Dark but only got a 2.99 count. Jungle Boy hit a comebacker clothesline on Reynolds as Luchasaurus headbutted Silver to the apron allowing Jungle Boy to go up and over and send Silver into Evil Uno with a hurricanrana off the apron to the floor. Luchasarus back rolled into Reynolds and used his feet to send him crashing face first into the mat. Jungle Boy jumped off a kneeling Luchasaurus to hit a Candian Destroyer on Reynolds. They then hit the assisted cutter combo followed by Jungle Boy diving in to Silver outside while everyone’s favorite dinosaur covered Reynolds for the win! Their first title defense was a great one and I look forward to a lengthy reign for this boy and his dinosaur!

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